Sept. 16: Surveys

Phone rings and I answer it.

Person on phone: Good evening sir, how are you today?
Steve: Not too good actually
POP: Glad to hear it. I'm calling from the National Blempglorf Society. Do you have a few minutes for a survey?
S: Well not really. I...
POP: Oh this will just take a quick couple minutes, sir. Do you currently own a parakeet?
S: No.
POP: Have you ever gargled with mouthwash on Yom Kippur?
(Pause.)
S: I don't know, actually. Is it against the law?
POP: Have you ever been in a Burger King restaurant with someone who was wearing a Vancouver Canucks jersey?
S: (Thinking.) Yes.
POP: Do you recall the date?
S: It was July 22, 2005. I was on vacation in Calgary and I was hungry, so I ---
POP: Very good. Do you own anything with a Smurf on it?
S: No.
POP: What about Hello Kitty?
S: Actually, I have a blanket somewhere.
POP: Over the course of one month, would you say you drink more than nine cans of V8?
S: No.
POP: Have you ever had a dream about a clown eating a rhubarb sundae?
S: No.
POP: If Elvis was alive today, what kind of car do you think he'd drive?
S: A Honda Civic.
POP: Give me five reasons for that.
S: No.
POP: Would this world be a better place if everyone wore duck costumes?
S: No.
POP: Favourite verse from the Book of Mormon?
S: The one about Moroni making bread.
POP: If you were a seal, what would be your favourite Christmas carol?
S: Don't club me this Christmas.
POP: Thank you very much for participating in this survey. A box of bacon will be delivered to your house next week.

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