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I used to think that Aerosmith wrote the song Come Together. I thought this because I owned their greatest hits cassette and it was the last song on side B. On that tape, Come Together was followed by a song called Remember (Walking in the Sand.) Both songs are covers. Remember was written by George Morton and it was performed, originally, by the Shangri-Las in 1964. Come Together, of course, was famously written by Lennon/McCartney. How's this for treason? I like the Aerosmith version better. - It's not wrong to say that you like the cover better than the original unless the original was (a) The Beatles or (b) a former member of the Beatles. This is why it's wrong to say you like Guns N Roses version of Live and Let Die better than Paul McCartney's and it's why it's very wrong to say you prefer Tiffany's version of I saw (him) standing there. - Tiffany was a popular singer for about two months in 1988. She got famous for singing in shop...

Getting this title for note-a-day could not have come at a more opportune time. That's because I happened to be perusing the Sears catalog this morning and I was immediately struck by how truthful their advertising is. Seriously, when I flipped through the toy section, I was blown away by the company's honesty. There was only one glaring error, which I'll get to shortly, but for now I want to reproduce some of the images from the catalog and comment on them. I love how it's a little girl with the stroller and the dollies. Just a girl. No boy. Where's the boy? Why, he's off at work, silly. And if he's not working, he's probably at home, lounging on the sofa, a glass of Kool-Aid in one hand, watching Transformers on TV. The good folks at Sears know that raising babies is mommy's job. Another win for Sears. How awesome it is that it's a girl running the sewing machine. Everyone knows that boys and sewing machines mix like N...

I used to consider myself really in-the-know when it came to boxing. Actually, I didn't know anything about boxing. I still don't. I like it but I have no idea how to analyze it. Boxing aficionados refer to it as "the sweet science." That means that boxing is much more than pummeling the other guy until he falls down. It's not just about brute strength. It's about stamina, finesse, concentration and intelligence. - When I was a teenager, I learned about Rocky Marciano. I even went to the library and checked out this book: It's the first biography I ever read. I liked Rocky as a fighter and as a person. The cat was so collected that he could actually sleep just before it was time to enter the ring. He was a hard puncher, maybe one of the hardest in the history of the sport, but when he knocked someone out, he felt so bad that he wanted to apologize. Much has been made of the Rock's undefeated record. He left the sport with 49 wins (43 by way...

My father is on the record saying that he did not have a happy childhood. He grew up in a home with an alcoholic father who likely resented his family for forcing him to work a nowhere job at a grocery store. Once he was so angry that he locked his wife and two sons out of the house for hours. It was cold and granddad wouldn't allow them inside until much later. Grandma never learned to drive. I wonder if my grandfather discouraged it so that she couldn't runaway. - Listen: I got to grow up believing my paternal grandparents were wonderful people, that there had never been any animosity between my dad and my grandpa. I remember the time I spent at their house with great fondness. They had a swing in the basement, which also featured a toilet in one corner (there were no walls, just a toilet.) There was a box full of toys and one of the toys was a miniature roulette wheel. There was also a slide projector. My grandma used to be a real shutterbug and, when...

Everyone has amazing self control when they're just starting to do something. I had amazing self control on January 1, when I vowed that I would write one note a day, everyday, for the duration of 2014. This is probably a stupid decision for someone with an 11-month-old baby to care for. Babies have a habit of making you put your dreams on hold. So there I am, sitting in front of my computer, trying to write my note a day. My son sees me and has a fit. He yells "Ba ba ba ba ba" which is baby talk for "Dad, stop writing and focus one hundred per cent of your attention on me." He then decides that gaining possession of my keyboard is the most important thing in the universe. When it becomes clear to him that I am not going to hand him my QWERTY, he shrieks. The only reason I am able to write this now is because my son is sleeping.* * If you have a mind for it, check out my very first note of the year. It's called The Photocopier Bully and...

A newspaper I was working for needed a new receptionist. The publisher told her front end staff not to bring her any resumes from men. She wanted to hire a woman. Is that sexist or is it pragmatic? We're told that the general public prefers dealing with women. I doubt the newspaper would have lost any revenue had a dude been sitting at the front desk, but still... - Reality is sexist. If you're building a house, which work crew is going to get it done faster - a group of 50 men or a group of 25 men and 25 women? Answer honestly. - When I was 21, I dated a girl named Wendy, who managed a clothes store at Chinook Centre. I took her to work one day and I saw that everyone who worked in the store was a woman. I asked Wendy if she'd ever hire a man and she said no. "They'd go crazy," she said. "Dealing with a store full of women with PMS. No man can take that." Wendy was only ticklish on her knees. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. - Once I was...

I don't know if it's wrong to say I cut my teeth as an actor. I have some professional actor friends who might take issue with that. I studied theatre formally for a few years and I think I acted in a professional show once (though it might have been amateur.) I've written plays - even won an award for one - and I take more than a passing interest in the world of the theatre. I know I don't have the chops to make it to the Stratford Festival but I also know I'm a bit above the Cranberry Creek Community Players. I am in limbo. - I used to be somewhat chummy with a professional Calgary actor who I'll call Jim. When I became a working journalist, the newspapers I worked for, upon learning that I had a theatre background, would usually assign me to the entertainment beat. Whenever a play needed to be covered, I was the guy. At one newspaper in Quebec, one of my fellow reporters had his own theatre company. He told me his troupe prided itself on p...

I make my living as an editor, which means I am allowed to be a grammar snob. I throw a fit when someone uses 'then' when they mean 'than' or 'they're' when they mean 'there.' And don't get me started on the improper use of it's. Yes, I am an editor. I get jazzed when I see a well-crafted paragraph and I am eternally grateful to anyone who points out my mistakes - be them spelling, grammar, or punctuation (you'll notice that I love the Oxford comma.) But if you were to ask me if I think the Internet and/or social media are destroying the English language, I'd have to respond with "not really." - When I am writing a newspaper article or a story or even one of these daily notes, I pay attention to my spelling and grammar. When I'm sending someone a text message or an email, I don't. The reason is that I'm not crafting something to be consumed and, hopefully, enjoyed by hundreds of readers. W...

- Go Canucks go!!! - Man, does the CFL ever suck compared to the NFL - Americans are awesome hockey players - I just have to watch this romantic comedy. Julia Roberts is in it. - A banana split, please. - I can't leave my apartment when it's all messy - Wow, do I ever love doing straight talk - Standard transmissions are for wusses - My ideal vacation? Somewhere where I can plant my toes in the sand and drink coconut drinks all day. - I have too many books - Don't worry. I always put the toilet seat down - It sucks being so tall - I'm shaving my legs - I think I need a double D bra - All I ever do is watch TV - I couldn't live without a stove - I couldn't live without a full-sized fridge - OMG! I JUST SCORED FRONT ROW TICKETS TO NICKI MINAJ!!! - These Disney sitcoms are so good for children - Four movies in one day? You're crazy. - Why would I go to a motel to write when I can do it at home?

It's wrong to think you're smarter than anyone else. probably a more useful strategy is to assume everyone is smarter than you. - I love my family but I live across the country from them. I tell people that moving was a necessary career move. That's probably true. But those who are close to me wonder if it was also a conscious decision to separate myself from the people who love me most. I treat people the same way a moth treats a flame. I don't go too far or I'll die. But if I get too close, I'll burn. I doubt that's a good thing. - My family spoils me whenever I visit. I am treated like a celebrity, like the youngest boy in Jesus's Prodigal Son story. My dad used to ask when I was coming back home. He doesn't ask anymore. I guess he knows that now that I have a son of my own, I'm stuck out here forever. - I don't know why I insist on spending so much time on my own. I don't know why I resent people for trying to get so close to m...

This is a picture of the best fried chicken in the world: That is Chicken on the Way and you can only get it in Calgary, which is the best city in the world. Chicken on the Way is five billion times better than KFC. Colonel Sanders killed himself after tasting Chicken on the Way and realizing that his chicken was barf. Chicken on the Way is deep fried. It is probably bad for you but since I am only in Calgary about two times a year, I always indulge. - I am proud of the fact that I have made a number of Chicken on the Way devotees. My brother, Jason, Dessi, and many others have all been turned on to the golden fried awesomeness that is Chicken on the Way. They also make corn fritters. - In 1997, I wrote and directed a play called Flight Lounge. It ran at the Calgary one-act play festival and it made use of 16 actors. The play was a piece of shit. To this day, I am astonished that 16 actors agreed to be in it and take direction from clueless 24-year-old me. At the dress ...

I'm a little too pragmatic to say that we need to shut down the oilsands, turn recycling into a national religion and make owning a Hummer a capital crime. However, I am deeply concerned about our environment and the culture of waste that we are teaching our children. But rather than pass a whole bunch of laws, I suggest that saving our environment will be easier if we simply do a bunch of little things that, en masse, will save countless trees and a whole lot of water. We need to start with our manufacturing sector. Having said that, here are 10 things that we should stop manufacturing now. The life of our planet is at stake. 1. Electric razors Electric razors have got to be the stupidest invention in the world. The whole premise behind electric razors is that there's massive global demand for a product that will only shave 20 per cent of your face. Seriously, you'll get a better shave if you get a dozen blind epileptic kindergarten students to rub ou...

Phone rings and I answer it. Person on phone: Good evening sir, how are you today? Steve: Not too good actually POP: Glad to hear it. I'm calling from the National Blempglorf Society. Do you have a few minutes for a survey? S: Well not really. I... POP: Oh this will just take a quick couple minutes, sir. Do you currently own a parakeet? S: No. POP: Have you ever gargled with mouthwash on Yom Kippur? (Pause.) S: I don't know, actually. Is it against the law? POP: Have you ever been in a Burger King restaurant with someone who was wearing a Vancouver Canucks jersey? S: (Thinking.) Yes. POP: Do you recall the date? S: It was July 22, 2005. I was on vacation in Calgary and I was hungry, so I --- POP: Very good. Do you own anything with a Smurf on it? S: No. POP: What about Hello Kitty? S: Actually, I have a blanket somewhere. POP: Over the course of one month, would you say you drink more than nine cans of V8? S: No. POP: Have you ever had a dream about a clown...

Here is a selfie: I took that picture a month ago. I took it because the newspaper needed a new picture of me for when I write my column. I guess the old picture is ancient history now. I have since added grey to my hair. - This title was given to me by my friend, Malavika, who says she is indifferent to selfies. The reason she is indifferent to selfies is she is not a 15-year-old girl with a cell phone. Those people are allowed to get super excited about selfies. They are also allowed to dot their is with hearts and collect posters from Tiger Beat magazine. After she gave me the title, I asked if her inspiration was the Chainsmokers' song Selfie. She assured me it was not. - In any case, I don't have a problem with selfies. In fact, with today's new cell phone/camera technology, selfies are easy to make. They don't necessarily broadcast narcissism either. If you were at the Eiffel Tower or the Acropolis or at a meeting where a New Democrat was saying som...

A few years ago, I was interviewing people for our newspaper's Straight Talk feature. That's when we ask our readers a question and publish their answers along with their pictures. Usually the questions are pretty innocuous. That's because people are reluctant to be in Straight Talk in the first place - asking them to state their positions on abortion would be a hard sell. The question that week was particularly inoffensive - something like "What's your favourite piece of furniture." I talked to one old lady who, after a minute of pondering, decided that it had to be the couch her husband had purchased for their 25th anniversary. Fine. I took the details down and went home. A couple days later, I get a phone call from the old lady's middle aged daughter. Turns out that mom was unable to sleep these past two nights. The reason: She's just so worried she might offend someone with her answer (because let's face it, couches ARE pretty...

...I would choose my friend, Schad - a Joosh lawyer from New York. He is one of the smartest people I know. Also, he's Conservative (which is why he's so smart.) I met Schad after he invited me to join a discussion board he'd started. The board was mostly for lawyers but Conservative Christian journalist/magician/writer Shteevie found a home on that board too. Over the ensuing years I learned that Schad knows almost everything there is to know about world history, American history, Canadian history, ice hockey, the Simpsons, and the music of Steely Dan. Schad once told me that George W Bush was one of the best presidents of his lifetime (he does not feel the same way about Bush Sr.) He supports Israel. He does not like David Halberstam or Walter Cronkite. He thinks Barack is a bad president. He is concerned about the rise of militant Islam. He does not tolerate anti-Semitism and is quick to challenge anyone expressing anti-Christian sentiment (though he co...

It's not frustrating at all, actually. That's because I have a whole bunch of people who have volunteered to give me note titles. So when someone misses a day, I just ask someone else for a title and then I switch the order. It's an inconvenience but it's not a big one. Kind of like having to toe your shoe when your arms are full of groceries or ordering a grape pop and getting V8. Seriously though, the world would be a better place if everyone would treat my note-a-day project like it's the most important thing ever. People should want to give me titles more than they want to win the lottery. This note kicks ass.

In Grade 7, I made the mistake of bringing a Dungeons & dragons manual to reading period. I brought it because the book I'd been reading before had been confiscated by the teacher. That book was Ian Fleming's From Russia With Love. It got confiscated because the cover showed an attractive woman in a fur coat lounging on a giant gun. That was a little too suggestive for my Catholic junior high school. Trust me - the Diamonds are Forever cover was even worse. You could see nipples. That was bad, but this was perfectly fine: One of my classmates was a big Dungeons & Dragons buff and, when he spied me reading that D&D instruction manual, latched on to me as his new best friend. We'd eat lunch together and he would prattle on about Malcon, a level 47 fighter who had a bastard sword of plus 8 and a thaco of -11 and who once met a goddess who granted him immunity to all poisons. All this made perfect sense to my friend and I'm sure it makes perfect se...

That's me in that picture. The year was 1999 and I'd just been hired as the sports editor of the North Battleford News-Optimist. I'm standing on a hill overlooking Jackfish Lake, where I'd spent many a childhood summer. My maternal grandparents owned a cottage on the east side of that lake. The two weeks we spent there every year are among some of my happiest memories. I wish my bum still looked like that. - As Jackfish Lake is to my childhood, the roof of the old Rosebud Hotel is to my early adulthood. I was 18 when I became a student at the Rosebud School of the Arts, a small Christian theatre guild school in Rosebud, Alberta. I spent less than a year there; I was far too immature (and far too angry) to be a student anywhere. By all accounts, my one year in Rosebud was a bust but I still remember it with great fondness. I'm not sure why. I just do. Here is the Rosebud Hotel: I lived in one of the hotel rooms (it actually wasn't a hotel anymore) ...