June 25: When I grow up
The first thing I ever remember wanting to be was a game show host. My
first role model was Bob Barker. I believe I have said this before.
Other things I wanted to be:
- A priest
- A detective
- A hockey player
- An astronaut
- A jockey
When I was eight, I declared that I wanted to be all of these things at the same time. I was applauded for my tenacity. Quite properly so. People should be allowed to be unrepentant idealists for the first decades of their lives. Certainly by the time you're in high school, you should know whether or not you have a chance of playing in the NHL.
My Grade 7 teacher once said that if you're not playing Triple A hockey when you're 13, you should probably give up on that dream.
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My high school girlfriend did not like that I did magic and she refused to watch me perform. She thought I liked magic because it allowed me the temporal illusion of escaping reality.
"You need to grow up," she said. "This magic thing is for babies."
Years later, I saw an interview with a Canadian magician named The Amazing Randi. Randi said that he abstained from any sort of drug, including alcohol, because he wanted his brain to be as clear as possible 100 per cent of the time.
A magician said that. A magician.
-
I've never done any recreational drugs. Ever. I've never even taken a toke of marijuana and I intend to go the rest of my life that way. I've been drunk maybe 10 times and I have no use for alcohol at all. None. I can't remember the last time I had a drink. I may even be a lifelong teetotaller.
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I don't think I'd be a very good priest and I know I wouldn't be a very good hockey player. I don't have the scientific know how to be an astronaut and - get this - I'm actually too big to be a jockey.
So I guess that means that if I want to satisfy the eight-year-old in me, I have to be a detective.
-
The closest I come to being a detective is playing Criminal Case on Facebook. Criminal Case is to real detective work what Egyptian heiroglyphics are to paper towel manufacturing. There is no resemblance. None. Criminal Case is just a glorified hidden object game that uses a homicide department as its storytelling engine.
But I love it and I play it and soon I will be a level 300 detective.
Oh I need to grow up.
Other things I wanted to be:
- A priest
- A detective
- A hockey player
- An astronaut
- A jockey
When I was eight, I declared that I wanted to be all of these things at the same time. I was applauded for my tenacity. Quite properly so. People should be allowed to be unrepentant idealists for the first decades of their lives. Certainly by the time you're in high school, you should know whether or not you have a chance of playing in the NHL.
My Grade 7 teacher once said that if you're not playing Triple A hockey when you're 13, you should probably give up on that dream.
-
My high school girlfriend did not like that I did magic and she refused to watch me perform. She thought I liked magic because it allowed me the temporal illusion of escaping reality.
"You need to grow up," she said. "This magic thing is for babies."
Years later, I saw an interview with a Canadian magician named The Amazing Randi. Randi said that he abstained from any sort of drug, including alcohol, because he wanted his brain to be as clear as possible 100 per cent of the time.
A magician said that. A magician.
-
I've never done any recreational drugs. Ever. I've never even taken a toke of marijuana and I intend to go the rest of my life that way. I've been drunk maybe 10 times and I have no use for alcohol at all. None. I can't remember the last time I had a drink. I may even be a lifelong teetotaller.
-
I don't think I'd be a very good priest and I know I wouldn't be a very good hockey player. I don't have the scientific know how to be an astronaut and - get this - I'm actually too big to be a jockey.
So I guess that means that if I want to satisfy the eight-year-old in me, I have to be a detective.
-
The closest I come to being a detective is playing Criminal Case on Facebook. Criminal Case is to real detective work what Egyptian heiroglyphics are to paper towel manufacturing. There is no resemblance. None. Criminal Case is just a glorified hidden object game that uses a homicide department as its storytelling engine.
But I love it and I play it and soon I will be a level 300 detective.
Oh I need to grow up.
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