June 14 - Well, that was dumb
My brother used to play little league baseball. My dad was his head
coach and the assistant coach was a douchebag I'll call Manny.
I was practicing a magic trick when Manny came by the house for a pre-season meeting. Somehow, I wound up showing the trick to my dad and Manny and Manny was a mean sonofabitch. He heckled me constantly, told me the magic was terrible, and then laughed at how crestfallen I must have looked. I guess I was about 13 or 14 - not a kid but not a seasoned performer either. Today I'd make mincemeat out of a douchebag like Manny but when I was 13, it hurt.
I told my dad that I didn't like Manny very much and my dad told me he didn't like Manny very much either.
And later that year, Manny stole a whole bunch of the little league money and treated himself to a trip to Las Vegas. He was charged and order to all sorts of community service. I wished I could have watched him perform it.
Embezzling money from little league.
Well, that was dumb.
-
It is dumb to make decisions when you're really angry or really happy.
When you're really angry, you can say things that you can never take back or do things that will land you in prison. When you're really happy, you may decide that today is the perfect time to put a four-person trip to Disneyland on your credit card. Hey, you'll have it paid off in three months - no sweat.
Uh huh. Famous last words.
Well, that was dumb.
-
You know what else is dumb? Going through life never doing anything dumb. It would be a boring world if people only did the sensible thing all the time. If people only did what was sensible, no one would be an actor or a musician or a playwright. No one would drive Hummers (this might actually be good) and there would be no such thing as McDonalds (actually, that would be very good.) I would be drinking pure lemon juice instead of Dr. Pepper right now and, instead of writing note-a-day, I would be studying the stock market or waxing my kitchen floor.
Of course if people only did the sensible thing, then bar owners would stop booking bands and they'd start booking magicians instead.
Everyone knows that people like magic more than music.
More popular than the Beatles.
-
I am reading two books right now. One is called Everyone Else is a Hypocrite, which is about why we're able to see the glaring inconsistencies in everyone else's lives while being completely oblivious to our own. The other is called On Being Certain, which is about why we insist certain things that are patently false are true.
These books are written by materialist neurologists and they claim that the brain is some weird sort of organ that divides itself into all sorts of compartments. It is more geared toward survival than it is making sure everything it believes lines up with each other.
In a way, this information is sort of freeing. When your uncle insists that the Liberal government is the best government you can get no matter what - even when he has to take out a second mortgage to pay his hydro rates - it's not because he's stupid. It's because he's human.
-
If the brain didn't compartmentalize itself, we wouldn't have anyone smoking cigarettes. Everyone knows that smoking is bad for you, that unprotected sex can lead to STDs and AIDS, that drinking and driving can get you killed. We know that McDonalds will make us fat and drive up our blood pressure, that we'll spend years - not weeks - paying off one stupid credit card transaction, and that the latest movie starring Pauly Shore is going to suck ass.
Yeah?! Well I bet more of your readers know who I am than the dude in the top hat and cane above me.
But we smoke anyway. We screw and we drink and we eat and we charge and we go to the theatre and it doesn't make us happy.
Know what we can do instead?
Read.
-
The dumbest thing I ever saw someone do was about 21 years ago when I was doing magic on Electric Avenue.
This guy named Joe who I'd gone to high school with came walking down the street and he saw me performing magic for a couple girls. Joe, who was drunk and had always had serious social problems, wedged himself between the two and suggested, very crudely and directly, that the two girls join he and I for an orgy in his basement. The girls had two words for him. The second word was 'off.' I think you can guess what the first word was.
Joe didn't like this and he started yelling at the girls and he even shoved one of them and that's when the police came by and took him away.
-
I couldn't resist. I looked Joe up on Facebook and I learned he has a thing for classic cars, pinball, and candy crush. I see that he is single (surprise surprise), that he owns a parrot and he may or may not live in a log cabin next to a lake.
I did not contact him.
That would be dumb.
Very dumb.
I was practicing a magic trick when Manny came by the house for a pre-season meeting. Somehow, I wound up showing the trick to my dad and Manny and Manny was a mean sonofabitch. He heckled me constantly, told me the magic was terrible, and then laughed at how crestfallen I must have looked. I guess I was about 13 or 14 - not a kid but not a seasoned performer either. Today I'd make mincemeat out of a douchebag like Manny but when I was 13, it hurt.
I told my dad that I didn't like Manny very much and my dad told me he didn't like Manny very much either.
And later that year, Manny stole a whole bunch of the little league money and treated himself to a trip to Las Vegas. He was charged and order to all sorts of community service. I wished I could have watched him perform it.
Embezzling money from little league.
Well, that was dumb.
-
It is dumb to make decisions when you're really angry or really happy.
When you're really angry, you can say things that you can never take back or do things that will land you in prison. When you're really happy, you may decide that today is the perfect time to put a four-person trip to Disneyland on your credit card. Hey, you'll have it paid off in three months - no sweat.
Uh huh. Famous last words.
Well, that was dumb.
-
You know what else is dumb? Going through life never doing anything dumb. It would be a boring world if people only did the sensible thing all the time. If people only did what was sensible, no one would be an actor or a musician or a playwright. No one would drive Hummers (this might actually be good) and there would be no such thing as McDonalds (actually, that would be very good.) I would be drinking pure lemon juice instead of Dr. Pepper right now and, instead of writing note-a-day, I would be studying the stock market or waxing my kitchen floor.
Of course if people only did the sensible thing, then bar owners would stop booking bands and they'd start booking magicians instead.
Everyone knows that people like magic more than music.
More popular than the Beatles.-
I am reading two books right now. One is called Everyone Else is a Hypocrite, which is about why we're able to see the glaring inconsistencies in everyone else's lives while being completely oblivious to our own. The other is called On Being Certain, which is about why we insist certain things that are patently false are true.
These books are written by materialist neurologists and they claim that the brain is some weird sort of organ that divides itself into all sorts of compartments. It is more geared toward survival than it is making sure everything it believes lines up with each other.
In a way, this information is sort of freeing. When your uncle insists that the Liberal government is the best government you can get no matter what - even when he has to take out a second mortgage to pay his hydro rates - it's not because he's stupid. It's because he's human.
-
If the brain didn't compartmentalize itself, we wouldn't have anyone smoking cigarettes. Everyone knows that smoking is bad for you, that unprotected sex can lead to STDs and AIDS, that drinking and driving can get you killed. We know that McDonalds will make us fat and drive up our blood pressure, that we'll spend years - not weeks - paying off one stupid credit card transaction, and that the latest movie starring Pauly Shore is going to suck ass.
Yeah?! Well I bet more of your readers know who I am than the dude in the top hat and cane above me.But we smoke anyway. We screw and we drink and we eat and we charge and we go to the theatre and it doesn't make us happy.
Know what we can do instead?
Read.
-
The dumbest thing I ever saw someone do was about 21 years ago when I was doing magic on Electric Avenue.
This guy named Joe who I'd gone to high school with came walking down the street and he saw me performing magic for a couple girls. Joe, who was drunk and had always had serious social problems, wedged himself between the two and suggested, very crudely and directly, that the two girls join he and I for an orgy in his basement. The girls had two words for him. The second word was 'off.' I think you can guess what the first word was.
Joe didn't like this and he started yelling at the girls and he even shoved one of them and that's when the police came by and took him away.
-
I couldn't resist. I looked Joe up on Facebook and I learned he has a thing for classic cars, pinball, and candy crush. I see that he is single (surprise surprise), that he owns a parrot and he may or may not live in a log cabin next to a lake.
I did not contact him.
That would be dumb.
Very dumb.
Comments
Post a Comment