June 24: Nerds
Before he died, my best friend declared that all teenagers are nerds.
It struck me as one of the truest things I've ever heard anyone say. If
you're in high school, you're a nerd. Doesn't matter if you don't need
glasses, your face is zit free, you look like you stepped off the cover
of Cosmo and you think Star Trek is boring. If you're too young to vote
but you're too old for Barney, then congratulations. You, my friend,
could be the mayor of Nerdsville.
-
I started being a nerd when I was 12. I have not stopped being one since. I say this as someone who does not have pimples and hates Star Trek and hasn't played Dungeons & Dragons since the seventh grade.
It was 1985 when my classmates brought my nerdhood to my attention. This was an era when "nerd" was strictly a pejorative term. It is true that in the denouement of Revenge of the Nerds, the two main characters - both nerds - say that they are proud to be considered nerds. That movie was made in 1981 and it went unwatched by me for several years. By the time I entered Mr. Makowski's Grade 7 class room, I had not seen it. I had not even seen a James Bond movie yet. My favourite TV show was Hunter and my favourite band was Quiet Riot. I thought I was a headbanger but my classmates said I was not. They said I was a nerd.
There was one girl, who I will call Jo, who had written two lists - one was the normal people in Grade 7, the other was the nerds. Not only was I on the nerds list, my name was at the very top and it was highlighted and I was declared to be King of the Nerds.
I am not mad at Jo though I was tremendously hurt at the time. When I look at my Grade 7 diary, I can understand why everyone thought I was a nerd.
I was a FREAK!!!
Plans for the future. 1. Lose my hair. 2. Get cast on ER.
-
Wikipedia defines a nerd as someone who is socially awkward and who spends a lot of time on non-mainstream activities - like Dungeons & Dragons or Scouting or collecting matchbooks. In 1985, computers were considered nerdy and if you did well in computer class, you were considered a nerd.
Today, the most popular kids in class have computers in their bedrooms and they have about 5,000 friends on Facebook.
And how do you access Facebook?
Through your computer.
Nerd!
-
As a budding magician, I devoted a lot of my time to a non-mainstream activity - magic. I remember doing a magic show for my Grade 9 classmates and they were unimpressed (probably because my magic sucked.) I remember one girl whispering to her friend that I was a nerd. "Most boys his age are into motorcycles and girls," she said. "But he's into magic tricks."
It hurt me.
Three years later, I got to do a magic show as an end-of-year treat for my Grade 12 English class. It is the happiest memory I have of high school. I'd gone six years thinking I had to convince everyone in the school that I was good at something. I guess I did on that day. I thought I'd earned everyone's respect. The truth of the matter was that most people there already respected me. They just had other things to worry about than ensuring my fragile self esteem was propped up just right.
-
The great Canadian illusionist Murray Hatfield once told me that all magicians are nerds. I'm sure he was employing hyperbole but the kernel of truth was present in what he said.
"Try going to a magic convention sometime," he said. "It's like going to a Star Trek party. You'll meet all sorts of socially awkward kids and adults who can do amazing things with cards and coins but wouldn't know how to carry on a simple conversation."
I have since been to a few conventions. Murray is right. It's Nerd City. Saw a few of them in a nightclub afterwards, trying to pick up their waitress by showing her card tricks.
Most magicians get into magic because it's a great way to get attention. Feel like no one likes you and you're not good at anything? No problem. Get mommy or daddy to take you to the magic store and $25 later, you can walk out of there with a few easy-to-do tricks that will make you look like a pint sized David Copperfield. You'll wow your parents (or they'll pretend to be wowed) and then you can go to school and wow your classmates and suddenly, you've got friends.
-
The sad truth about this is that every magician is a dork. There are no exceptions. David Copperfield dated Claudia Schiffer, is a multi-millionaire and performed the greatest magic show in the history of the craft (The Magic of David Copperfield XIV: Flying.) But he's a dork. Opera Man knew it. Norm MacDonald knew it. No doubt David Copperfield knows it too. And why is he a dork? Because he does magic tricks. Because he devotes unbelievable amounts of time, money and energy into finding just the right piece of music and just the right costume and just the right lighting grid to make that cool metamorphosis trick as good as it can possibly be.
For my next miracle, I'll use this lawnmower to shave my eyebrows
-
Criss Angel is a dork too. So is David Blaine.
Oh and Doug Henning? Prime Minister of the People's Republic of Dork. Loved the man. Best magic show I ever saw live. But he was a dork.
O great crystal ball, tell me when I will land on the cover of GQ. What? Never? Screw you, ball.
-
I am a dork because I am 41 and I spend too much time doing card tricks and writing stuff. I also work for a living and I guess I am not a dork when I do that.
By the way, dork and nerd are synonymous. Dork is funnier though. Unfortunately, if this note was titled DORKS, people would think it was about something else entirely.
-
High school kids need to understand that they are nerds because it will help them realize that they are just starting off on the road to knowledge.
Someone once said that for most teenagers, the greatest thing they've accomplished in life is that they've mastered the art of wiping their bums. Once they graduate, that can be their greatest accomplishment.
-
Here is a partial list of activities that are nerdy:
- Reading (especially Lord of the Rings or anything with the word Dragonlance in it. Harry Potter is not nerdy for reasons I don't yet understand.)
- Magic
- Anything to do with comic books. If you own even one comic book, you are a nerd (exception: Archie.)
- Programming computers (playing video games is fine but if you try to make one, you're a nerd.)
- Role playing games
- Being Amish
- Liking any music that is not Top 40. (Weird Al is nerdy. Katy Perry is not. Lady Gaga is not nerdy and neither is Weird Al's parody of Born this Way if you only listen to it once. Disco is very nerdy.)
- Eating microwavable pizza
- Math
- Wearing brown corduroy pants
- Arguing on the Internet
- Writing notes every day and begging people to send me titles.
THE END
-
I started being a nerd when I was 12. I have not stopped being one since. I say this as someone who does not have pimples and hates Star Trek and hasn't played Dungeons & Dragons since the seventh grade.
It was 1985 when my classmates brought my nerdhood to my attention. This was an era when "nerd" was strictly a pejorative term. It is true that in the denouement of Revenge of the Nerds, the two main characters - both nerds - say that they are proud to be considered nerds. That movie was made in 1981 and it went unwatched by me for several years. By the time I entered Mr. Makowski's Grade 7 class room, I had not seen it. I had not even seen a James Bond movie yet. My favourite TV show was Hunter and my favourite band was Quiet Riot. I thought I was a headbanger but my classmates said I was not. They said I was a nerd.
There was one girl, who I will call Jo, who had written two lists - one was the normal people in Grade 7, the other was the nerds. Not only was I on the nerds list, my name was at the very top and it was highlighted and I was declared to be King of the Nerds.
I am not mad at Jo though I was tremendously hurt at the time. When I look at my Grade 7 diary, I can understand why everyone thought I was a nerd.
I was a FREAK!!!
Plans for the future. 1. Lose my hair. 2. Get cast on ER.-
Wikipedia defines a nerd as someone who is socially awkward and who spends a lot of time on non-mainstream activities - like Dungeons & Dragons or Scouting or collecting matchbooks. In 1985, computers were considered nerdy and if you did well in computer class, you were considered a nerd.
Today, the most popular kids in class have computers in their bedrooms and they have about 5,000 friends on Facebook.
And how do you access Facebook?
Through your computer.
Nerd!
-
As a budding magician, I devoted a lot of my time to a non-mainstream activity - magic. I remember doing a magic show for my Grade 9 classmates and they were unimpressed (probably because my magic sucked.) I remember one girl whispering to her friend that I was a nerd. "Most boys his age are into motorcycles and girls," she said. "But he's into magic tricks."
It hurt me.
Three years later, I got to do a magic show as an end-of-year treat for my Grade 12 English class. It is the happiest memory I have of high school. I'd gone six years thinking I had to convince everyone in the school that I was good at something. I guess I did on that day. I thought I'd earned everyone's respect. The truth of the matter was that most people there already respected me. They just had other things to worry about than ensuring my fragile self esteem was propped up just right.
-
The great Canadian illusionist Murray Hatfield once told me that all magicians are nerds. I'm sure he was employing hyperbole but the kernel of truth was present in what he said.
"Try going to a magic convention sometime," he said. "It's like going to a Star Trek party. You'll meet all sorts of socially awkward kids and adults who can do amazing things with cards and coins but wouldn't know how to carry on a simple conversation."
I have since been to a few conventions. Murray is right. It's Nerd City. Saw a few of them in a nightclub afterwards, trying to pick up their waitress by showing her card tricks.
Most magicians get into magic because it's a great way to get attention. Feel like no one likes you and you're not good at anything? No problem. Get mommy or daddy to take you to the magic store and $25 later, you can walk out of there with a few easy-to-do tricks that will make you look like a pint sized David Copperfield. You'll wow your parents (or they'll pretend to be wowed) and then you can go to school and wow your classmates and suddenly, you've got friends.
-
The sad truth about this is that every magician is a dork. There are no exceptions. David Copperfield dated Claudia Schiffer, is a multi-millionaire and performed the greatest magic show in the history of the craft (The Magic of David Copperfield XIV: Flying.) But he's a dork. Opera Man knew it. Norm MacDonald knew it. No doubt David Copperfield knows it too. And why is he a dork? Because he does magic tricks. Because he devotes unbelievable amounts of time, money and energy into finding just the right piece of music and just the right costume and just the right lighting grid to make that cool metamorphosis trick as good as it can possibly be.
For my next miracle, I'll use this lawnmower to shave my eyebrows-
Criss Angel is a dork too. So is David Blaine.
Oh and Doug Henning? Prime Minister of the People's Republic of Dork. Loved the man. Best magic show I ever saw live. But he was a dork.
O great crystal ball, tell me when I will land on the cover of GQ. What? Never? Screw you, ball.-
I am a dork because I am 41 and I spend too much time doing card tricks and writing stuff. I also work for a living and I guess I am not a dork when I do that.
By the way, dork and nerd are synonymous. Dork is funnier though. Unfortunately, if this note was titled DORKS, people would think it was about something else entirely.
-
High school kids need to understand that they are nerds because it will help them realize that they are just starting off on the road to knowledge.
Someone once said that for most teenagers, the greatest thing they've accomplished in life is that they've mastered the art of wiping their bums. Once they graduate, that can be their greatest accomplishment.
-
Here is a partial list of activities that are nerdy:
- Reading (especially Lord of the Rings or anything with the word Dragonlance in it. Harry Potter is not nerdy for reasons I don't yet understand.)
- Magic
- Anything to do with comic books. If you own even one comic book, you are a nerd (exception: Archie.)
- Programming computers (playing video games is fine but if you try to make one, you're a nerd.)
- Role playing games
- Being Amish
- Liking any music that is not Top 40. (Weird Al is nerdy. Katy Perry is not. Lady Gaga is not nerdy and neither is Weird Al's parody of Born this Way if you only listen to it once. Disco is very nerdy.)
- Eating microwavable pizza
- Math
- Wearing brown corduroy pants
- Arguing on the Internet
- Writing notes every day and begging people to send me titles.
THE END
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