June 16: The woman in black with the blue monkeys

I was at the karaoke bar with Dez and Chris and we was onstage singin You Lost That Lovin Feelin and that's when the woman in black with the blue monkeys waslked into the room.

Guess she'd a been about 40. Long black hair, black fur coat, black leather pants that gleamed under the bar lights. One monkey on each shoulder and both of them blue like Smurfs. Lady sits down at the table closest to the stage and orders a Velvet Hammer. Starts smoking a cigarette that she holds in one of them big long cigarette holder things. She's watching us and I may be wrong about this but I was thinking she seemed most interested in me.

We finish the song and there's a spattering of applause and we go back to our table so this short Japanese man can start singing My Way.

I start sucking back my beer when I see one of the blue monkeys is on the table. He's holding a card and on it is written 'Nice song. Come buy me a drink.'

My friends are cheering me on as I go.

Lady smiles as I ankle over a chair and plop my kiester down.

"Hello," I say.

Monkey 2 hands me a card. "Hello," it says.

"Cute trick," I say.

Monkey 1 hands me another card: "I'm mute. The monkeys talk for me."

"That is impressive," I say. "I don't even see them writing their answers down."

Monkey 2: "I have a number of cards already written and the monkeys are trained to hand out the cards according to what I am asked."

"What's your favourite city?" I ask.

Monkey 1: "Chicago."

"Favourite place to grab a burger?"

Monkey 2: "McDonalds."

I say: "Can you say dashfkwlghfsvbevbf?"

Monkey 1: "dashfkwlghfsvbevbf."

"Wow," I remark. "That's real neat. You want to come back to my place and leave those monkeys at home?"

Lady stands up. "Y'aint my type," she says.