March 18: Grape correspondent

Hi this is Gilbert Grape coming to you from the Fruit Salad Valley where conflict between the strawberry and banana camps have reached an all-time high. For months now, the bananas have been angry at the strawberries for living their lives underground. While the banana case might not have merit, you have to admit that the bananas themselves have a peel.

Joining me now is Daryl Strawberry, former baseball player and expatriate member of the strawberry clan. Daryl, can you provide us with an insiders' perspective on the war?

Daryl: I'd love to.

Gilbert: You're sweet.

Daryl: Of course I am. Strawberries are upset that we're not good enough on our own. Look, when people eat bananas, they mostly just peel them and eat the fruit. With strawberries, lots of things can happen. We can be mixed into jam, sliced up, dipped in chocolate or sugar. No one wants to just pick and eat us and we find that unfair.

Gilbert: Thanks, Daryl. That news is crushing and if you'll excuse me, I think I might give a little wine.

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