Oct. 26: Alcohol
I think I would be totally cool with going the rest of my life without alcohol.
Look, I won't pretend to be teetotaler. I have imbibed in the past and, on a few occasions, I've been rip-roaring drunk. The most famous example was my 18th birthday, when Mr. Alcohol told me it would be a good idea to break into a real estate office, call my friend's girlfriend so I could insult her, and then throw up in another friend's sink. Gene Simmons, the bass player for KISS, says he has never been drunk or high in his life. "I've never heard anyone say something cool while they were drunk or stoned," he said, and I guess I want to be the sort of person that Gene Simmons thinks is cool.
Exhibit A: Someone who thinks I'm cool
Okay, so my booze-free life style isn't influenced what Mr. Simmons may or may not think of me. I guess I don't drink because I honestly don't see why I should. I understand that alcohol has served as a social lubricant for centuries, but trust me, I don't need anything to help me be more social. Thirty years of magic, a long time in theatre school, and more than a decade as a professional journalist has made me extremely comfortable when it comes to dealing with the public. I can walk into a room full of a hundred strangers and talk to everyone of 'em - no trouble at all. I know when to be social and when to keep to myself. I don't need a beer or wine or whiskey to help me make that decision.
But now it's confession time: I'm happy that other people don't feel the same way about it.
-
In August, I went to something called the Williamstown Fair, which is one of the premiere social events in my neck of the woods. While there, I spotted a local girl who had just gotten engaged to her boyfriend in Scotland (or maybe it was Ireland.) I congratulated her and she said thank you by kissing my cheek.
I can still feel that kiss four months later.
The girl had a beer in her hand.
-
Yes, and did I not buy my first car by taking advantage of drunk people on Calgary's Electric Avenue? I would bring my magic stand down there and do card tricks for people coming out of bars. They were so impressed with my work that they gave me money - lots of money. Sometimes I would leave Electric Avenue with $100 in change. I used it to buy my first car, a 1981 Mazda GLC.
It was beige.
-
The late Christian apologist, Walter Martin, once took legalistic Christians to task for their insistence on total abstinence from alcohol. These Christians are famous for claiming that in the story about Jesus making wine, that the actual Greek word is a term for grape juice.
Dr. Martin lampooned it with his own version of the second chapter of the gospel according to John. To wit:
2 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the grape juice was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more grape juice.”
6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[b] 7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.
8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”
They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into grape juice. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and said, “Everyone brings out the choice grape juice first and then the cheaper grape juice after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best grape juice till now.”
Dr. Martin followed this by sharing what is a totally reasonable approach for Christians when it comes to alcohol. Drunkenness is wrong (according to St. Paul, it will keep you out of heaven) but there is nothing wrong with alcohol in and of itself. And if you are with someone who has a problem with booze, you should do the respectful thing and not touch it in their presence.
-
I used to like cognac. I used to like vanilla cognac. I used to like velvet hammers - cocktails consisting of kahlua, triple sec, creme de cacao and cream. I drank a few beers at my 10th high school reunion and although I felt fine, I slept in my car that night because I didn't want to chance driving home. I've done shooters in bars. I am done.
-
About 20 years ago, I was walking through downtown Calgary one summer night. A school bus drove by. The bus was loaded with drunk young adults who were doing a pub crawl. The bus was loud and it sounded like a cross between a rock concert and an overcrowded day care. The school bus windows were open. Bare asses emerged from all those windows. Some of the asses were hairy. One girl saw me and threatened to pee on me.
-
My best friend had "an addictive personality," which means he was more prone to developing addictions. For a while, he was addicted to painkillers and spent a few years near the end of his life attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Eventually he kicked the habit and he finished his life in something of a drug-free euphoria.
In high school, he did drugs. Somewhere in there, I told him I was going to live my entire life without drugs. I was going to do this so I could show him drugs don't create happiness. I have kept true to this promise. Not even one toke of marijuana has ever been done by me.
Booze and drugs. I could care less about either of 'em.
Look, I won't pretend to be teetotaler. I have imbibed in the past and, on a few occasions, I've been rip-roaring drunk. The most famous example was my 18th birthday, when Mr. Alcohol told me it would be a good idea to break into a real estate office, call my friend's girlfriend so I could insult her, and then throw up in another friend's sink. Gene Simmons, the bass player for KISS, says he has never been drunk or high in his life. "I've never heard anyone say something cool while they were drunk or stoned," he said, and I guess I want to be the sort of person that Gene Simmons thinks is cool.
Exhibit A: Someone who thinks I'm coolOkay, so my booze-free life style isn't influenced what Mr. Simmons may or may not think of me. I guess I don't drink because I honestly don't see why I should. I understand that alcohol has served as a social lubricant for centuries, but trust me, I don't need anything to help me be more social. Thirty years of magic, a long time in theatre school, and more than a decade as a professional journalist has made me extremely comfortable when it comes to dealing with the public. I can walk into a room full of a hundred strangers and talk to everyone of 'em - no trouble at all. I know when to be social and when to keep to myself. I don't need a beer or wine or whiskey to help me make that decision.
But now it's confession time: I'm happy that other people don't feel the same way about it.
-
In August, I went to something called the Williamstown Fair, which is one of the premiere social events in my neck of the woods. While there, I spotted a local girl who had just gotten engaged to her boyfriend in Scotland (or maybe it was Ireland.) I congratulated her and she said thank you by kissing my cheek.
I can still feel that kiss four months later.
The girl had a beer in her hand.
-
Yes, and did I not buy my first car by taking advantage of drunk people on Calgary's Electric Avenue? I would bring my magic stand down there and do card tricks for people coming out of bars. They were so impressed with my work that they gave me money - lots of money. Sometimes I would leave Electric Avenue with $100 in change. I used it to buy my first car, a 1981 Mazda GLC.
It was beige.
-
The late Christian apologist, Walter Martin, once took legalistic Christians to task for their insistence on total abstinence from alcohol. These Christians are famous for claiming that in the story about Jesus making wine, that the actual Greek word is a term for grape juice.
Dr. Martin lampooned it with his own version of the second chapter of the gospel according to John. To wit:
2 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the grape juice was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more grape juice.”
6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[b] 7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.
8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”
They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into grape juice. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and said, “Everyone brings out the choice grape juice first and then the cheaper grape juice after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best grape juice till now.”
Dr. Martin followed this by sharing what is a totally reasonable approach for Christians when it comes to alcohol. Drunkenness is wrong (according to St. Paul, it will keep you out of heaven) but there is nothing wrong with alcohol in and of itself. And if you are with someone who has a problem with booze, you should do the respectful thing and not touch it in their presence.
-
I used to like cognac. I used to like vanilla cognac. I used to like velvet hammers - cocktails consisting of kahlua, triple sec, creme de cacao and cream. I drank a few beers at my 10th high school reunion and although I felt fine, I slept in my car that night because I didn't want to chance driving home. I've done shooters in bars. I am done.
-
About 20 years ago, I was walking through downtown Calgary one summer night. A school bus drove by. The bus was loaded with drunk young adults who were doing a pub crawl. The bus was loud and it sounded like a cross between a rock concert and an overcrowded day care. The school bus windows were open. Bare asses emerged from all those windows. Some of the asses were hairy. One girl saw me and threatened to pee on me.
-
My best friend had "an addictive personality," which means he was more prone to developing addictions. For a while, he was addicted to painkillers and spent a few years near the end of his life attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Eventually he kicked the habit and he finished his life in something of a drug-free euphoria.
In high school, he did drugs. Somewhere in there, I told him I was going to live my entire life without drugs. I was going to do this so I could show him drugs don't create happiness. I have kept true to this promise. Not even one toke of marijuana has ever been done by me.
Booze and drugs. I could care less about either of 'em.
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