Oct. 11: Why I love sardines
I love sardines because they
come in little cans. Sometimes there is a key that you twist to open the
can.Once the can is open, everything in the house smells like fish.
There are probably about 14 sardines in each can. I have never eaten a
sardine.
I know there is no such thing as a sardine fish. Sardines get their name from the region they were originally packaged in. The region is called Sardenia.
I wonder if sardines and anchovies are the same thing. I hope they are. I used to work at a pizza parlour and I hated it when a customer wanted anchovies on their pizza. That meant that I had to haul out “the stinky bucket,” which is where the sardines were kept. I would reach into said stinky bucket and pull out a few smelly dead fish and then I would throw them on the pizza and then the pizza went into the oven.
I did not last long at that pizza parlour but it had nothing to do with anchovies. I was fired because I wasn’t a very good restaurant worker. My dad called the manager to find out why I’d been turfed and the guy said it was because I had no ambition. I think my dad wanted me to learn something from that story but I don’t think I did until much later.
When I worked at the pizza parlour, my supervisor was a guy in his early 20s. He told me he had a daughter who was “the prettiest little girl in the world.” I told my supervisor about how I’d taken my girlfriend to a drive-in movie and we spent very little time watching the movie (if you catch my drift.) I wanted him to be proud of me but instead he told me I was dumb. “If I’m going to shell out twenty dollars to see a movie,I’m going to watch the movie,” he said. “I’m not going to spend it making out in the back seat.”
Later, that supervisor got fired for stealing money from the cash register.
That pizza parlour job was actually kind of a good job. I got a free pizza every night. They also made good garlic bread. I’ve been back to that pizza parlour a few times. I was at that pizza parlour on December 31, 1990. I know that because as we approached the countdown to midnight, the guy behind the counter advised everyone to order their food soon so they wouldn’t have to pay the GST, which became law on January 1, 1991.
I think there’s a tin of sardines in my parents’ pantry in their home in Calgary. I think that tin has been there for a long time. I have a hunch that when people buy sardines, the tin stays in their pantries for at least 10 years.That’s because you have to psych yourself up to eat sardines. The psyching up period probably takes about four months. No one ever says: “You know what would really hit the spot right now?Sardines.” No one craves sardines except cats and women who are pregnant with conjoined twins.
Despite the fact that sardines are stinky, I should note that they are good for you. They have a lot of important nutrients and they may even ward off Alzheimer’s Disease.I don’t eat sardines. Sardines are good for you. They have a lot of important nutrients and they may even ward off Alzheimer’s Disease.
I also know that sardine is sort of a catch-all term for small oily fish. Sardines are also packaged in Maine. Sardines are an important component of Maine’s economy.Basically Maine exports, sardines, grumpy people and Stephen King novels.
Since I am in a goofy mood, I think I will close with a poem about sardines.
My sardine poem
Sardines stink
They taste like ink
They sit there in a can.
They smell real bad
Just like your dad
When he’s not wearing roll-on Ban.
Sardines smell
But what the hell
I’ll eat some for a snack.
They’re good for me
But smell like pee
And nutrients they don’t lack.
So everybody eat sardines
For breakfast, lunch and dinner
Your skin will glow, your brain will know
That you’re a sardine winner.
Eat us! We're dead!
I know there is no such thing as a sardine fish. Sardines get their name from the region they were originally packaged in. The region is called Sardenia.
I wonder if sardines and anchovies are the same thing. I hope they are. I used to work at a pizza parlour and I hated it when a customer wanted anchovies on their pizza. That meant that I had to haul out “the stinky bucket,” which is where the sardines were kept. I would reach into said stinky bucket and pull out a few smelly dead fish and then I would throw them on the pizza and then the pizza went into the oven.
I did not last long at that pizza parlour but it had nothing to do with anchovies. I was fired because I wasn’t a very good restaurant worker. My dad called the manager to find out why I’d been turfed and the guy said it was because I had no ambition. I think my dad wanted me to learn something from that story but I don’t think I did until much later.
When I worked at the pizza parlour, my supervisor was a guy in his early 20s. He told me he had a daughter who was “the prettiest little girl in the world.” I told my supervisor about how I’d taken my girlfriend to a drive-in movie and we spent very little time watching the movie (if you catch my drift.) I wanted him to be proud of me but instead he told me I was dumb. “If I’m going to shell out twenty dollars to see a movie,I’m going to watch the movie,” he said. “I’m not going to spend it making out in the back seat.”
Later, that supervisor got fired for stealing money from the cash register.
That pizza parlour job was actually kind of a good job. I got a free pizza every night. They also made good garlic bread. I’ve been back to that pizza parlour a few times. I was at that pizza parlour on December 31, 1990. I know that because as we approached the countdown to midnight, the guy behind the counter advised everyone to order their food soon so they wouldn’t have to pay the GST, which became law on January 1, 1991.
I think there’s a tin of sardines in my parents’ pantry in their home in Calgary. I think that tin has been there for a long time. I have a hunch that when people buy sardines, the tin stays in their pantries for at least 10 years.That’s because you have to psych yourself up to eat sardines. The psyching up period probably takes about four months. No one ever says: “You know what would really hit the spot right now?Sardines.” No one craves sardines except cats and women who are pregnant with conjoined twins.
Despite the fact that sardines are stinky, I should note that they are good for you. They have a lot of important nutrients and they may even ward off Alzheimer’s Disease.I don’t eat sardines. Sardines are good for you. They have a lot of important nutrients and they may even ward off Alzheimer’s Disease.
I also know that sardine is sort of a catch-all term for small oily fish. Sardines are also packaged in Maine. Sardines are an important component of Maine’s economy.Basically Maine exports, sardines, grumpy people and Stephen King novels.
Since I am in a goofy mood, I think I will close with a poem about sardines.
My sardine poem
Sardines stink
They taste like ink
They sit there in a can.
They smell real bad
Just like your dad
When he’s not wearing roll-on Ban.
Sardines smell
But what the hell
I’ll eat some for a snack.
They’re good for me
But smell like pee
And nutrients they don’t lack.
So everybody eat sardines
For breakfast, lunch and dinner
Your skin will glow, your brain will know
That you’re a sardine winner.
Eat us! We're dead!
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