July 8: Hollywood can stop badly remaking cult classics anytime now
I hope Hollywood doesn’t remake the Breakfast Club. John Hughes
teenaged classic couldn’t possibly be made today in this politically
correct new millennium. In the 1980s, the Breakfast Club meant exactly
what John Hughes wanted it to mean – that high school is a pretty awful
time for anyone, no matter what social group kids belong to – and that
maybe kids would find solidarity if they learned to put their
differences aside and help each other get through adolescence.
(A side note: I actually think the Breakfast Club is a shitty movie because it teaches that smoking marijuana is a great way to solve problems, but for the sake of this argument, let’s just pretend I agree with my fellow Gen X’ers when they say that the Breakfast Club is the 1980s’ Citizen Kane.)
Don't you forget about me... but please forget that I'm an actor in my mid twenties playing a high school student
The Breakfast Club starred five young actors – Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevaz, Anthony Michael Hall, Ally Sheedy and Judd Nelson. All of them have something in common: they’re all white. Matter of fact, I think everyone in that movie is white. The Breakfast Club is the cinematic equivalent of a loaf of Wonder Bread.
Try to make that movie today and the producers will want the film to appeal to as wide a demographic as possible (instead of, you know, TELL A STORY.) The girls would be allowed to be white. The Emilio Estevez character would be black. The Judd Nelson character would be Latino (but the screenplay would make it painstakingly crystal clear that his criminal tendencies are manifestations of bad things white Republicans did to his family when he was very young.) The Anthony Michael Hall character would be Asian. And at the end of the movie, the two girls would realize that they are lesbians. Who cares about the original meaning of the Breakfast Club? Let’s just turn it into a lukewarm bowl of feel-good PC mush that will sell a lot of tickets and patronize Generation X.
I am being paranoid because I highly doubt that Breakfast Club will be remade. They remade Robocop though. I haven’t seen it. Saw the original at my friend Cade’s house when we were in high school. It’s a decent sci-fi flick about a police officer who is killed in the line of duty. A team of scientists recovers enough of him to incorporate him into a crimefighting cyborg. The original 1987 film survives – despite some really shitty special effects – not because of the kickass action sequences but because we never can be sure when Robocop’s human nature is going to manifest itself over the computer that runs its brain.
Your move, Hollywood
Veteran filmgoers tend to groan when they hear about classics that are being remade for modern audiences. In the 80s, something even more curious happened – we started seeing old TV shows being remade for the big screen. I have seen film adaptations of The Untouchables (written by David Mamet and securing an Academy Award for Sean Connery), Beverly Hillbillies, Bewitched, Dragnet, The Fugitive (an Oscar for Tommy Lee Jones), Miami Vice, and most recently, 21 Jump Street. I tend to skip these movies because I like my films to be as original as possible.
Next up - The Price is Right: The movie
Ah, but let’s not rush to condemn all remakes as uninspired garbage. Most people I know love the Michael Caine and Steve Martin film Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, but do they know that it’s actually a remake of an old movie called Bedtime Story that starred the late David Niven and the late Marlon Brando?
And who among us can honestly say that the 1960s farce Casino Royale is superior to the 2005 remake starring Daniel Craig as James Bond?
A while ago, Steven Spielberg made news when he announced he wasn’t going to re-release Raiders of the Lost Ark with slicker special effects for the opening of the ark sequence. I was pleased. Raiders should be preserved as is, a staple of early 1980s adventure cinema.
Now if you hate remakes and you love film, might I suggest you stay out of the massive cineplexes and go, instead, to the art house theatres. My favourite is the Bytowne in Ottawa, which plays fantastic foreign movies and other films starring A-list actors that the average filmgoer doesn’t want to see because they are about something other than giving you an adrenaline boost.
At the beginning of the 21st century, film was still regarded as the world’s most popular art form. Video games may have usurped that by now but even if it has, film is still a close second. It won’t die anytime soon and, like other art forms, it will continue to serve us crap as well as art.
One doesn’t have to eat at McDonald’s seven times a week and one doesn’t have to confine one’s cinematic experience to horror movies with roman numerals in the title. Good films are out there. Go find ‘em.
(A side note: I actually think the Breakfast Club is a shitty movie because it teaches that smoking marijuana is a great way to solve problems, but for the sake of this argument, let’s just pretend I agree with my fellow Gen X’ers when they say that the Breakfast Club is the 1980s’ Citizen Kane.)
Don't you forget about me... but please forget that I'm an actor in my mid twenties playing a high school studentThe Breakfast Club starred five young actors – Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevaz, Anthony Michael Hall, Ally Sheedy and Judd Nelson. All of them have something in common: they’re all white. Matter of fact, I think everyone in that movie is white. The Breakfast Club is the cinematic equivalent of a loaf of Wonder Bread.
Try to make that movie today and the producers will want the film to appeal to as wide a demographic as possible (instead of, you know, TELL A STORY.) The girls would be allowed to be white. The Emilio Estevez character would be black. The Judd Nelson character would be Latino (but the screenplay would make it painstakingly crystal clear that his criminal tendencies are manifestations of bad things white Republicans did to his family when he was very young.) The Anthony Michael Hall character would be Asian. And at the end of the movie, the two girls would realize that they are lesbians. Who cares about the original meaning of the Breakfast Club? Let’s just turn it into a lukewarm bowl of feel-good PC mush that will sell a lot of tickets and patronize Generation X.
I am being paranoid because I highly doubt that Breakfast Club will be remade. They remade Robocop though. I haven’t seen it. Saw the original at my friend Cade’s house when we were in high school. It’s a decent sci-fi flick about a police officer who is killed in the line of duty. A team of scientists recovers enough of him to incorporate him into a crimefighting cyborg. The original 1987 film survives – despite some really shitty special effects – not because of the kickass action sequences but because we never can be sure when Robocop’s human nature is going to manifest itself over the computer that runs its brain.
Your move, HollywoodVeteran filmgoers tend to groan when they hear about classics that are being remade for modern audiences. In the 80s, something even more curious happened – we started seeing old TV shows being remade for the big screen. I have seen film adaptations of The Untouchables (written by David Mamet and securing an Academy Award for Sean Connery), Beverly Hillbillies, Bewitched, Dragnet, The Fugitive (an Oscar for Tommy Lee Jones), Miami Vice, and most recently, 21 Jump Street. I tend to skip these movies because I like my films to be as original as possible.
Next up - The Price is Right: The movieAh, but let’s not rush to condemn all remakes as uninspired garbage. Most people I know love the Michael Caine and Steve Martin film Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, but do they know that it’s actually a remake of an old movie called Bedtime Story that starred the late David Niven and the late Marlon Brando?
And who among us can honestly say that the 1960s farce Casino Royale is superior to the 2005 remake starring Daniel Craig as James Bond?
A while ago, Steven Spielberg made news when he announced he wasn’t going to re-release Raiders of the Lost Ark with slicker special effects for the opening of the ark sequence. I was pleased. Raiders should be preserved as is, a staple of early 1980s adventure cinema.
Now if you hate remakes and you love film, might I suggest you stay out of the massive cineplexes and go, instead, to the art house theatres. My favourite is the Bytowne in Ottawa, which plays fantastic foreign movies and other films starring A-list actors that the average filmgoer doesn’t want to see because they are about something other than giving you an adrenaline boost.
At the beginning of the 21st century, film was still regarded as the world’s most popular art form. Video games may have usurped that by now but even if it has, film is still a close second. It won’t die anytime soon and, like other art forms, it will continue to serve us crap as well as art.
One doesn’t have to eat at McDonald’s seven times a week and one doesn’t have to confine one’s cinematic experience to horror movies with roman numerals in the title. Good films are out there. Go find ‘em.
Comments
Post a Comment