July 11: I'm getting old
Richard Bachman (aka Stephen King) has a great quote about getting old
in his novel Roadwork. He says 40 is the end of being young - then he
amends it to say that 30 is the end of being young but 40 is when you
stop kidding yourself.
I think I first said I was getting old when I was in college. A friend thought it would be nice if he and I started taking martial arts classes together. I told him I thought I was too old to start that. Silly me. As if one has to be a preteen or a child before they can begin studying something.
Ian Fleming didn't publish his first novel until he was in his 40s.
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I think it was my 38th birthday when my mother decided to give me the gift of truly feeling my age. She suggested that my sister and I spend the morning tobogganning at Heritage Park (I mispelled tobogganning, I think, but that's a word that everyone mispells.) After two hours, my sister and I learned that the bodies of thirtysomethings were not designed for sleds. No, you must be nine or 10, preferably younger, to engage in that sort of silliness.
I think my mom made up for it by serving us Ovaltine and ordering Chinese food, even though what I really wanted was pizza from Pizza Bank.
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I read an article the other day about how north American men seem to be trapped in a perpetual adolesence (I believe the term is 'arrested development.') I know my father never would have spent an entire weekend playing video games. My grandfather certainly wouldn't. But men my age are wont to do that plenty. (Of course my dad did spend copious amounts of time watching football, which if probably just as productive as playing Grand Theft Auto.)
The point of this article seemed to be that our bodies are getting older while our minds are getting younger.
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Listen: I don't have an XBox in my house. The reason isn't because I'd never play it. The reason is I'm scared I'd never get off it.
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I don't care how old I am. Waterslides are always going to be fun.
-
I'm a magician. There are people in my life who don't like that I do magic. My high school girlfriend hated it and never allowed me to perform in front of her.
I forgave her for this. I knew that we came from two different worlds. She came from a broken home and spent much of her childhood in group homes. She was all grown up by age 11 and couldn't afford the luxury of being a dreamer. Her life circumstances demanded she be nothing but a cold hard realist.
I grew up in a comfortable middle class home and my parents took the family to Disneyland when I was 11. I could afford to get all teary-eyed when Jiminy Cricket sang When You Wish Upon a Star (which is still the best Disney song ever.) The girlfriend didn't like me doing magic because she thought it was symptomatic of my so called refusal to grow up.
And again I feel the need to retell the magician Eric Mead's story about the old man who watched him perform magic at a convention somewhere. After the performance, the old man shook his head and said: "There comes a time when we must put childish things away."
Evidently, he thought Eric was too old for magic tricks - that prestidigitation was playtime best relegated to the nursery rather than the career plan.
What a sad way to think. A world without magic would be as bleak as a world without music or colour.
-
A conversation I had with my dad when I was 29.
Shteevie: I just can't play street hockey all day anymore. It makes me feel old.
Dad; You know what makes me feel old?
Shteevie: No. What?
Dad: When my kids tell me they feel old?
-
I have a one-year-old son. I am 41. Most people my age are mentally preparing themselves to be grandparents in a few short years. When my dad was my age, I was 10. When my mom was my age, I was 17.
Does my son make me feel old? Well, that depends. He doesn't make me feel old when he sleeps beside me at night. He does make me feel old when we're out at the park and he is running away from me because he doesn't want to go home for at least 482 more hours.
-
Evidence that I am getting old:
- Most of the movies showing at the cineplex do not appeal to me
- I have gray hairs
- If I drink a grape soda at three o'clock, I want to take a nap at six
- I have to get up at least once every night to go pee
- The music I like the most was made in the 1980s
- If the Calgary Flames game starts at 10 p.m., I cannot watch it all. I have to sleep.
- I can remember when Roger Moore was James Bond.
- I know how to work a Commodore 64
- Someone in my graduating class just became a grandma
- The Playboy centrefold was born the year I got out of college (I'm assuming)
- The girl at the checkout counter at the grocery store says "Have a nice day, sir."
Evidence that I am still younger than I think I am:
- Waterslides appeal to me
- I still like performing magic shows
- I can do note-a-day
I ain't dead yet.
I think I first said I was getting old when I was in college. A friend thought it would be nice if he and I started taking martial arts classes together. I told him I thought I was too old to start that. Silly me. As if one has to be a preteen or a child before they can begin studying something.
Ian Fleming didn't publish his first novel until he was in his 40s.
-
I think it was my 38th birthday when my mother decided to give me the gift of truly feeling my age. She suggested that my sister and I spend the morning tobogganning at Heritage Park (I mispelled tobogganning, I think, but that's a word that everyone mispells.) After two hours, my sister and I learned that the bodies of thirtysomethings were not designed for sleds. No, you must be nine or 10, preferably younger, to engage in that sort of silliness.
I think my mom made up for it by serving us Ovaltine and ordering Chinese food, even though what I really wanted was pizza from Pizza Bank.
-
I read an article the other day about how north American men seem to be trapped in a perpetual adolesence (I believe the term is 'arrested development.') I know my father never would have spent an entire weekend playing video games. My grandfather certainly wouldn't. But men my age are wont to do that plenty. (Of course my dad did spend copious amounts of time watching football, which if probably just as productive as playing Grand Theft Auto.)
The point of this article seemed to be that our bodies are getting older while our minds are getting younger.
-
Listen: I don't have an XBox in my house. The reason isn't because I'd never play it. The reason is I'm scared I'd never get off it.
-
I don't care how old I am. Waterslides are always going to be fun.
-
I'm a magician. There are people in my life who don't like that I do magic. My high school girlfriend hated it and never allowed me to perform in front of her.
I forgave her for this. I knew that we came from two different worlds. She came from a broken home and spent much of her childhood in group homes. She was all grown up by age 11 and couldn't afford the luxury of being a dreamer. Her life circumstances demanded she be nothing but a cold hard realist.
I grew up in a comfortable middle class home and my parents took the family to Disneyland when I was 11. I could afford to get all teary-eyed when Jiminy Cricket sang When You Wish Upon a Star (which is still the best Disney song ever.) The girlfriend didn't like me doing magic because she thought it was symptomatic of my so called refusal to grow up.
And again I feel the need to retell the magician Eric Mead's story about the old man who watched him perform magic at a convention somewhere. After the performance, the old man shook his head and said: "There comes a time when we must put childish things away."
Evidently, he thought Eric was too old for magic tricks - that prestidigitation was playtime best relegated to the nursery rather than the career plan.
What a sad way to think. A world without magic would be as bleak as a world without music or colour.
-
A conversation I had with my dad when I was 29.
Shteevie: I just can't play street hockey all day anymore. It makes me feel old.
Dad; You know what makes me feel old?
Shteevie: No. What?
Dad: When my kids tell me they feel old?
-
I have a one-year-old son. I am 41. Most people my age are mentally preparing themselves to be grandparents in a few short years. When my dad was my age, I was 10. When my mom was my age, I was 17.
Does my son make me feel old? Well, that depends. He doesn't make me feel old when he sleeps beside me at night. He does make me feel old when we're out at the park and he is running away from me because he doesn't want to go home for at least 482 more hours.
-
Evidence that I am getting old:
- Most of the movies showing at the cineplex do not appeal to me
- I have gray hairs
- If I drink a grape soda at three o'clock, I want to take a nap at six
- I have to get up at least once every night to go pee
- The music I like the most was made in the 1980s
- If the Calgary Flames game starts at 10 p.m., I cannot watch it all. I have to sleep.
- I can remember when Roger Moore was James Bond.
- I know how to work a Commodore 64
- Someone in my graduating class just became a grandma
- The Playboy centrefold was born the year I got out of college (I'm assuming)
- The girl at the checkout counter at the grocery store says "Have a nice day, sir."
Evidence that I am still younger than I think I am:
- Waterslides appeal to me
- I still like performing magic shows
- I can do note-a-day
I ain't dead yet.
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