July 2: Alpacas

Here is a picture of some alpacas:



I don't know about you but dang, those alpacas are cute. They're so darned cute that I want to stop writing this note and go to the alpaca store and buy me some alpacas.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Okay, I am now chanelling a 13-year-old girl because all I can really do is admire that really cute alpaca picture.

Here it is again:



EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Alpacas are cute!!!! They look giant teddy bears. I wish the word 'alpaca' had an i in it so I could dot it with a heart (IN PINK INK!) That's how cute alpacas are.

Alpacas are cuter than the Monchichis and Strawberry Shortcake and Optimus Prime from Transformers. Alpacas are even cuter than Yanni!

but not as cute as Jill Hennessy.but not as cute as Jill Hennessy.

Did you know that when you Google image 'alpaca', one of the categories you get is CUTE?

Here is one of those cute alpaca pictures:

These alpacas are doing their impressions of Christina Long Gerbrandt and Yanni.

And here is a BABY alpaca picture:

One day I will be supper

It is a good thing that alpacas are raised for their wool, not for their meat. Human beings don't like to eat animals that are cute.  It's okay to eat cows and chickens because they are ugly. It is not okay to eat lamb. Australia is bad for this reason.

Here are other reasons Australia is bad:

- Boomerangs don't come back when you throw them. False advertising.
- Foster's tastes bad.
- Brown eyed mullets (I'm not telling you. It's disgusting.)
- 99% of the population is gay, which means there will soon be no Australians
- Midnight Oil (the singer sounds funny)
- Dingos that eat babies
- That big red rock in the middle of the country
- There is no bridge to New Zealand
- The toilet water swirls the wrong way when you flush it
- Vegemite (no one likes it.)
- Alligators biting people
- Its flag has the Union Jack on it and only England should have that (other countries should be original and come up with their own designs.)
- Yanni lives there*

* Actually, Yanni doesn't live there. I just want to hate Australia right now.

-

I just did some research and I discovered that Yanni has an alpaca farm on his ranch in Greece. Here are some snippets from Alpaca Fancier magazine's interview with Yanni:

Yanni: (continued from page 56) ...but it's always important to trim your nose hair. Especially if you insist on wearing a mustache like mine.

Q: Yes, but let's talk about your alpacas. You now have 12 of them?

Yanni: Yes. There's Dorothy and Rose and Blanche and Sophia, I named them after the four main characters on the Golden Girls. Then there's Christina and Zoe and Brad and Jaromir and Mohammed and Zamzam and Jean-Claude and Frank.

Q: You have an alpaca named Frank?

Yanni: Yeah. Got a problem with that?

Q: No...

Yanni: You better not. I name my alpacas what I want to name them and I got no use for people who think my alpaca names suck.

Q: Calm down, Yannster.

Yanni: I'm just not digging the vibe of this interview. Mind if I practice my music while we talk?

Q: No. Go ahead.

Yanni: Good. (At this point, Mr. Yanni turns on his super expensive Roland 8500 synthesizer and the room is filled with its hum.) I'm going to play you my new song. I call it the alpaca song. It's different from my other Yanni songs because in it, I sing.

Q: Okay. Go ahead.

Yanni: (singing) My alpacas are cute. My alpacas are cute. I love my alpacas. My alpacas are cute.

Q: That sounded just like happy birthday.

Yanni: What? That's it. See that alpaca prod in the corner. I'm going to take it and heat it up and then I'm going to shove it right up your...(continued on page 165.)

-

This is the end of my alpaca note. The reason it is so weird is because I wrote it at 3 a.m. with serious sleep deprivation.

Maybe I should write all my notes this way.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sept. 13: You don't know what you gave up

Image
 Dear Mr. Man You know, I don't hate you. If I saw you on the street, I wouldn't yell at you or cuss you out, but I don't think I'd shake your hand. But I do pity you, man. You don't know what you gave up. She's going to be a funeral director, did you know that? Yeah, she's going to be a mover and shaker, hitting the big time. She'll have a good job and she'll never be out of work because she's in an industry that will never die (you should pardon the pun.)  Sure, she had her challenges growing up, but what girl doesn't. Things made her cry. Sometimes, I'm sad to say, I was one of those things. But all I can say is the good times outweigh the bad. I hope she agrees with that. You see, Mr. Man, I have a whole lot of great memories with her. This one time, I tried to take her down to Cleveland so we could see a Major League Baseball game live. But we couldn't get into the States so instead, we went to Niagara Falls and we had a grand ol
Read more

Dec.19: The day Steve dropped my Phoenix

 The day Steve dropped my Phoenix I was sleeping He left the papers there outside my door. I laughed when I read the part about the Roughriders, they didn't make the playoffs after all By the time I make my breakfast he'll be working Trying hard to bring the news to us He just don't understand the world has moved on. it's off the wall that's all By the time I get to Jack's Pub he'll be writing a council brief or maybe 20 Q's. we might cry to think he's doing this for nothing but he does it 'cause it's all he knows how to do - apologies to Glen Campbell
Read more

Dec. 10: Brothers over 80

Image
The Irishman is surely the most tragic movie of Martin Scorsese's career. It follows the same trajectory as his other beloved films Goodfellas, Casino, and Wolf of Wall Street. In all of those movies, a criminal's life comes crashing down. In Goodfellas, Ray Liotta's Henry Hill aspires to be a gangster, only to have to betray his mob brothers in the end to avoid a lengthy prison sentence. In Casino, a wannabe enforcer is beaten to death with a baseball bat while his colleague loses his family and winds up a lonely man. In Wolf of Wall Street, a dishonest wall street stockbroker loses his trophy wife and winds up having to betray the very people he helped set up so he can stay out of jail. But in all of the above tales, everyone gets a slice of the good life, at least for a little while. They do copious amounts of drugs, have sex with all kinds of women, and earn a whole lot of money in the process. In the end, they have nothing, but at least there's a mountain in a life
Read more