July 20: Leftovers
As a rule, leftovers are bad. I
don't think I am alone in this. Most people think leftovers are bad. No
one ever says: "You know what I feel like for supper? Leftover steak."
People do say: "I feel like steak for supper" and when they say steak,
they are probably thinking that the steak they want to eat should be
sitting in the meat section of a grocery store somewhere - either
sitting on a cellophane-wrapped styrofoam tray or in the showcase of the
butcher's shop.
Shameless plug time:
That is the menu for Pizza Bank, which is the best pizza in the world. Nothing else even comes close - not Dominos, not Pizza Hut, not Boston Pizza or Pizza Pizza or any deep dish pizza in Chicago. Pizza Bank - which only exists at Glenmore Landing in Calgary, Alberta - is the undisputed world champion of awesome pizza. Seriously, if pizza was Greek mythology, Pizza Bank would be Zeus. Every other pizza on Earth would be Hermes.
If you are ever in Calgary, you MUST go to Pizza Bank. It is a mystery to me why Pizza Bank isn't swamped all the time by people who know how awesome their pizza is. The only reason people don't think Pizza Bank is the best pizza in the world is that they have either never tasted it or they have defective taste buds or they are uneducated turds. Pizza Bank has the best crust and the best sauce. It is perfect just the way it is.
But it sucks if you stick it in the fridge and then reheat it the next morning.
What was awesome on Friday night is now a soggy piece of red bread on Saturday morning. It does not taste good. I give leftover Pizza Bank to the dog. It gives her the runs but I don't care because it's my parents' dog, not mine.
It is a good thing I don't live in Calgary because if I did, I would insist on eating Pizza Bank at least four times a week and I would have died of a heart attack in 2008 or I would look like this:
Calgary is also home to the best fried chicken in the world. It is called Chicken on the Way. Here is a picture of it:
Mmmmmm mmmmmm. Kind of makes you want to swear off vegetarianism forever.
Most vegetarians crave meat now and then. Vegans probably crave it too. (Vegans who claim they never crave meat are lying.)
Anyway, it is a fact that leftovers will be with us as long as we have fridges and tupperware.
Pet peeve: When little kids put their unfinished meal in the fridge, expecting to eat it later. My brother used to do this with half-eaten bowls of Shreddies. It grossed me out.
Here is a list of things that taste good fresh but awful when they're leftovers:
- Pizza Bank
- Kraft Dinner (actually it doesn't taste that good fresh but it's really bad when it's leftover"
- Garlic bread
- French toast
- Christmas pudding
- Mashed potatoes
- Slurpees from 7-Eleven
I have a small fridge in my apartment. I do not need a big one because it's just me and my son. The other day my son opened the fridge and it stayed open all night. I had to throw everything away. When I asked my son, who is one, why he did this, he just giggled and said: "Da da!"
General rule: leftovers are bad. Do not serve them if you are entertaining the Queen of England, Canadian actress Jill Hennessy, or someone you have been dating for less than one week.
Jill Hennessy says: If you feed me leftovers, I'm going to shove this up your ass.
Shameless plug time:
That is the menu for Pizza Bank, which is the best pizza in the world. Nothing else even comes close - not Dominos, not Pizza Hut, not Boston Pizza or Pizza Pizza or any deep dish pizza in Chicago. Pizza Bank - which only exists at Glenmore Landing in Calgary, Alberta - is the undisputed world champion of awesome pizza. Seriously, if pizza was Greek mythology, Pizza Bank would be Zeus. Every other pizza on Earth would be Hermes.
If you are ever in Calgary, you MUST go to Pizza Bank. It is a mystery to me why Pizza Bank isn't swamped all the time by people who know how awesome their pizza is. The only reason people don't think Pizza Bank is the best pizza in the world is that they have either never tasted it or they have defective taste buds or they are uneducated turds. Pizza Bank has the best crust and the best sauce. It is perfect just the way it is.
But it sucks if you stick it in the fridge and then reheat it the next morning.
What was awesome on Friday night is now a soggy piece of red bread on Saturday morning. It does not taste good. I give leftover Pizza Bank to the dog. It gives her the runs but I don't care because it's my parents' dog, not mine.
It is a good thing I don't live in Calgary because if I did, I would insist on eating Pizza Bank at least four times a week and I would have died of a heart attack in 2008 or I would look like this:
Calgary is also home to the best fried chicken in the world. It is called Chicken on the Way. Here is a picture of it:
Mmmmmm mmmmmm. Kind of makes you want to swear off vegetarianism forever.
Most vegetarians crave meat now and then. Vegans probably crave it too. (Vegans who claim they never crave meat are lying.)
Anyway, it is a fact that leftovers will be with us as long as we have fridges and tupperware.
Pet peeve: When little kids put their unfinished meal in the fridge, expecting to eat it later. My brother used to do this with half-eaten bowls of Shreddies. It grossed me out.
Here is a list of things that taste good fresh but awful when they're leftovers:
- Pizza Bank
- Kraft Dinner (actually it doesn't taste that good fresh but it's really bad when it's leftover"
- Garlic bread
- French toast
- Christmas pudding
- Mashed potatoes
- Slurpees from 7-Eleven
I have a small fridge in my apartment. I do not need a big one because it's just me and my son. The other day my son opened the fridge and it stayed open all night. I had to throw everything away. When I asked my son, who is one, why he did this, he just giggled and said: "Da da!"
General rule: leftovers are bad. Do not serve them if you are entertaining the Queen of England, Canadian actress Jill Hennessy, or someone you have been dating for less than one week.
Jill Hennessy says: If you feed me leftovers, I'm going to shove this up your ass.
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