July 12: The Calgary Stampede
When summer sun beats down on me
The crowds all come out for Stampede
And at the ‘dome Kim Mitchell sings
I wish I had a girl to bring.
That’s from a song I wrote in 1989. I was 16 and lonely and my one biggest wish that summer was to have a girlfriend to take to Stampede. I didn’t have a girlfriend. I had a job selling ride coupons for Conklin Shows – the Stampede’s midway provider – and I was fired before the Stampede was even over because, apparently, some customers had complained that I was being rude.*
So yeah, I couldn’t even do that right.
Things didn’t improve over the next two summers and by the time I graduated from high school, I’d pretty much written myself off as the Calgary Stampede’s perennial dateless attendee.
And then I met Candy.
We met at a Calgary nightclub called Rotunda, where I was doing magic tricks. She actually asked me out and I was floored. She gave me her phone number and I called her the next night and asked her if she’d like to go to the Stampede.
“You want to go to the Stampede?” she asked. (There was a note of condescension in her voice but I didn’t identify it until about 15 years after Candy had exited my life.)
“Yes,”I said. “I’ve actually never gone to the Stampede with a girl. It’s always been a dream of mine.”
“That’s sweet,” said Candy. “Let’s go.”
So we went to the Stampede and we went on some rides and I won her a teddy bear at one of the carnival games and I bought her a rose from a rose vendor and then she told me she had to leave because she had to be at work at 10 o’clock. I asked where she worked and she said at another Calgary nightclub called The Brass Ring.
I dropped Candy at The Brass Ring and I haven’t heard from her since.When I called the number a few days later, it had been disconnected. When I dropped by The Brass Ring and asked for her, the bartender told me there was no one on the payroll by that name. I gave him a description of Candy and he smiled a little and said that Candy worked there even though she didn’t officially work there, if I caught his drift.
I didn’t. So he told me. “She’s a hooker, kid, and she’s bad news. If I were you, I’d just forget all about her.”
And so I did. But I’m still happy I took Candy to the Stampede and, for a few hours at least, let her experience some good old fashioned innocent fun.
I guess that’s the first Stampede story I can tell. I’ve told lots of Stampede stories and plenty of them can be found here. I’m regurgitating.
When I worked in the ticket booth for Conklin Shows, I was paired with a fat guy who claimed he was a spy for the Canadian government. He told me he was a martial arts expert, that he regularly traveled across the country doing top secret missions, and that the trailer standing 30 feet away from us was his and was loaded with all sorts of important high-tech equipment that played a vital role in our nation’s security.
Then a couple of cowboys walked into his trailer and drove it away. I think I mocked him relentlessly for the next five minutes.
When I was 25, I took my girlfriend to the Stampede and we only stayed about an hour because I could tell there was something on her mind and what was on her mind was that she didn’t want to be my girlfriend anymore and we broke up less than a week later.
One year, I had a job driving pilots and flight attendants from the airport to their hotels. Had a flight crew from Texas once and they all said they’d like to take in the Stampede so I arranged to meet them at the grandstand on Saturday afternoon and we had a grand old time and the pilot bought everyone beef on a bun and opined that it tasted even better than what they raise down in Texas.
I remember being really young and not wanting to go into the haunted house because I was afraid there were real life ghosts and goblins in there that would kill me. My little sister had no such fear and she went in the haunted house and I am mildly embarrassed about that all these years later. And I still don’t like to go into the carnival haunted house because I am scared there are real life ghosts and goblins in there that would kill me.
No. Still not going in.
Stampede 2002.
Amanda Marshall is one of the entertainers. It’s been a year since she released her last album, Everybody’s Got a Story. I went to the Stampede with Char and we went on the Enterprise and Char screamed the whole time.
Then we went to the Amanda Marshall concert and it started to rain and then it started to pour and Amanda Marshall immediately started singing Let it Rain and I took off my shirt and looked up at the sky and I screamed and Char was next to me and it was a perfectly serendipitous moment and to this day, whenever I hear Let it Rain, it’s like stepping into a time machine.
I'll be happy when my picture gets in more than Jill Hennessy's
More memories of Stampede:
My mom’s first post-motherhood job was working at Stampede Park, which gave her certain perks like scoring free ride coupons and park admission for her offspring.
The Stampede has always had its fair share of controversy. Rodeo has longbeen a popular target for PETA and at the Stampede, the protestorshave a perennial war zone. They can work themselves into a frenzy decrying the steer wrestling, calf roping, bull riding and, especially, the chuckwagon races.
I was upset, actually, when I learned that Bob Barker, former host ofthe Price is Right, decried his former show for offering a Stampede trip as part of its Showcase Showdown. Bob’s an animal rights activist and this is why he always reminds his viewers to spay and neuter their puppies and kitties.
That means I have to choose between Bob Barker, my very first role model, and the Calgary Stampede.
I choose Stampede.
A PETA membership can be yours IF the Price is Right
-
*The reason the customers thought that I was rude was that my ticket booth was located right outside the entrance to the sky carriage, which was sort of like a chair lift. How it worked was you (plus another person if you wanted )sat in a chair that was attached to a cable that was suspended about 25 feet above the ground. You would then ride across the Stampede and enjoy a birds’ eye view of all the food vendors, midway, and fat people eating greasy pizza slices. Anyway, every single person in the lineup asked me how much it was to ride the sky carriage. The answer was long and complicated. If one person wanted a one-way trip, it was three coupons. If one person wanted a round trip, it was six coupons. If two people wanted a one-way trip, it was five coupons. If two people wanted a round trip, it was ten coupons. I explained this and then the person would say “what?” and they would put their ear up against the glass and I would have to repeat the whole rigamarole again, only I had to yell it because I had to be heard above all the bells and shrieks and clowns honking big stupid horns. Then the person would buy tickets and then they would glare at me for yelling at them. I got so fed up that I made a handwritten sign telling people how many tickets the sky carriage was and I taped it to the glass outside the ticket booth and my supervisor took it down because he said it was unprofessional.
The crowds all come out for Stampede
And at the ‘dome Kim Mitchell sings
I wish I had a girl to bring.
That’s from a song I wrote in 1989. I was 16 and lonely and my one biggest wish that summer was to have a girlfriend to take to Stampede. I didn’t have a girlfriend. I had a job selling ride coupons for Conklin Shows – the Stampede’s midway provider – and I was fired before the Stampede was even over because, apparently, some customers had complained that I was being rude.*
So yeah, I couldn’t even do that right.
Things didn’t improve over the next two summers and by the time I graduated from high school, I’d pretty much written myself off as the Calgary Stampede’s perennial dateless attendee.
And then I met Candy.
We met at a Calgary nightclub called Rotunda, where I was doing magic tricks. She actually asked me out and I was floored. She gave me her phone number and I called her the next night and asked her if she’d like to go to the Stampede.
“You want to go to the Stampede?” she asked. (There was a note of condescension in her voice but I didn’t identify it until about 15 years after Candy had exited my life.)
“Yes,”I said. “I’ve actually never gone to the Stampede with a girl. It’s always been a dream of mine.”
“That’s sweet,” said Candy. “Let’s go.”
So we went to the Stampede and we went on some rides and I won her a teddy bear at one of the carnival games and I bought her a rose from a rose vendor and then she told me she had to leave because she had to be at work at 10 o’clock. I asked where she worked and she said at another Calgary nightclub called The Brass Ring.
I dropped Candy at The Brass Ring and I haven’t heard from her since.When I called the number a few days later, it had been disconnected. When I dropped by The Brass Ring and asked for her, the bartender told me there was no one on the payroll by that name. I gave him a description of Candy and he smiled a little and said that Candy worked there even though she didn’t officially work there, if I caught his drift.
I didn’t. So he told me. “She’s a hooker, kid, and she’s bad news. If I were you, I’d just forget all about her.”
And so I did. But I’m still happy I took Candy to the Stampede and, for a few hours at least, let her experience some good old fashioned innocent fun.
I guess that’s the first Stampede story I can tell. I’ve told lots of Stampede stories and plenty of them can be found here. I’m regurgitating.
When I worked in the ticket booth for Conklin Shows, I was paired with a fat guy who claimed he was a spy for the Canadian government. He told me he was a martial arts expert, that he regularly traveled across the country doing top secret missions, and that the trailer standing 30 feet away from us was his and was loaded with all sorts of important high-tech equipment that played a vital role in our nation’s security.
Then a couple of cowboys walked into his trailer and drove it away. I think I mocked him relentlessly for the next five minutes.
When I was 25, I took my girlfriend to the Stampede and we only stayed about an hour because I could tell there was something on her mind and what was on her mind was that she didn’t want to be my girlfriend anymore and we broke up less than a week later.
One year, I had a job driving pilots and flight attendants from the airport to their hotels. Had a flight crew from Texas once and they all said they’d like to take in the Stampede so I arranged to meet them at the grandstand on Saturday afternoon and we had a grand old time and the pilot bought everyone beef on a bun and opined that it tasted even better than what they raise down in Texas.
I remember being really young and not wanting to go into the haunted house because I was afraid there were real life ghosts and goblins in there that would kill me. My little sister had no such fear and she went in the haunted house and I am mildly embarrassed about that all these years later. And I still don’t like to go into the carnival haunted house because I am scared there are real life ghosts and goblins in there that would kill me.
No. Still not going in.Stampede 2002.
Amanda Marshall is one of the entertainers. It’s been a year since she released her last album, Everybody’s Got a Story. I went to the Stampede with Char and we went on the Enterprise and Char screamed the whole time.
Then we went to the Amanda Marshall concert and it started to rain and then it started to pour and Amanda Marshall immediately started singing Let it Rain and I took off my shirt and looked up at the sky and I screamed and Char was next to me and it was a perfectly serendipitous moment and to this day, whenever I hear Let it Rain, it’s like stepping into a time machine.
I'll be happy when my picture gets in more than Jill Hennessy'sMore memories of Stampede:
- Seeing
Murray Hatfield’s magic show on the Coca-Cola stage when I was 15. I
met him afterwards and I told him I was a magician too and I was scared
he would sneer at me but instead he said that was great and that he was
happy to meet me and that I should never give up practising.
- Stampede
of 1988. A girl from my grade 9 class was waiting in line to board the
Tidal Wave. She had a black eye and I wanted to ask about it but I
didn’t because she was a junior high school princess and I was a nerd
and I thought she’d just tell me to screw off.
- My
friends, Cade and Jamie, were once chatting up a couple girls when
another friend, Chris, came up to them and asked if they’d like a
corndog. The girls scattered and Jamie was super pissed off and for the
next couple years, everyone called Chris “Corndog.”
- I bought a gold necklace with a lightning bolt charm on it for $3. I was super proud of my necklace and then I wore it in the shower and when I got out, my chest was black and the necklace and lightning bolt had turned to rust.
My mom’s first post-motherhood job was working at Stampede Park, which gave her certain perks like scoring free ride coupons and park admission for her offspring.
The Stampede has always had its fair share of controversy. Rodeo has longbeen a popular target for PETA and at the Stampede, the protestorshave a perennial war zone. They can work themselves into a frenzy decrying the steer wrestling, calf roping, bull riding and, especially, the chuckwagon races.
I was upset, actually, when I learned that Bob Barker, former host ofthe Price is Right, decried his former show for offering a Stampede trip as part of its Showcase Showdown. Bob’s an animal rights activist and this is why he always reminds his viewers to spay and neuter their puppies and kitties.
That means I have to choose between Bob Barker, my very first role model, and the Calgary Stampede.
I choose Stampede.
A PETA membership can be yours IF the Price is Right-
*The reason the customers thought that I was rude was that my ticket booth was located right outside the entrance to the sky carriage, which was sort of like a chair lift. How it worked was you (plus another person if you wanted )sat in a chair that was attached to a cable that was suspended about 25 feet above the ground. You would then ride across the Stampede and enjoy a birds’ eye view of all the food vendors, midway, and fat people eating greasy pizza slices. Anyway, every single person in the lineup asked me how much it was to ride the sky carriage. The answer was long and complicated. If one person wanted a one-way trip, it was three coupons. If one person wanted a round trip, it was six coupons. If two people wanted a one-way trip, it was five coupons. If two people wanted a round trip, it was ten coupons. I explained this and then the person would say “what?” and they would put their ear up against the glass and I would have to repeat the whole rigamarole again, only I had to yell it because I had to be heard above all the bells and shrieks and clowns honking big stupid horns. Then the person would buy tickets and then they would glare at me for yelling at them. I got so fed up that I made a handwritten sign telling people how many tickets the sky carriage was and I taped it to the glass outside the ticket booth and my supervisor took it down because he said it was unprofessional.
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