January 29: Babies make the best teachers
When I was in high school, my chemistry teacher was a baby. True
story. I was a little underwhelmed when I walked into the class and saw
this infant writing quantum equations on the blackboard. At first I
wanted to complain but then my friend, Nicole, shushed me and told me to
be quiet. "Babies make the best teachers," she said.
The baby's name was Mr. Goo and although he was only five months old, he knew his stuff. Mr. Goo taught us about polar-covalent bonding and chemical reactions while he was eating pablum. Talented kid.
Well, it's been 25 years since I was a high school freshman, which would make Mr. Goo 25 years old now. I looked him up on facebook. He currently works for NASA, where he is designing an apartment complex that will be built on Neptune (he says the heating costs will be high.)
Come to think of it, Mr. Goo also taught music. Mike Carr, you may have to back me up on this, but didn't Mr. Goo play a mean trumpet? It was either trumpet or tuba, not sure. I remember Mr. Goo once getting caught IN a tuba (took lots of Vaseline and Tahiti Treat) to get him out. But once he was properly changed and fed and had watched an episode of Mister Rogers Neighbourhoos, that little kid could play like a dream.
Mr. Goo might be angry at me for revealing this, but he was the inspiration behind the Baby Head character in Capcom's 1991 beat-em-up video game, Captain Commando.
Baby Head - for the non-geeks here - was a genius baby who designed his own robot. Most baby geniuses can walk or say ten words. This baby genius built a fricken robot. He ain't a baby genius, he's a baby god.
Once I asked Mr. Goo about the secret of his intelligence. He said it was pancakes.
"I eat seven pancakes every morning," he said. "With butter and pure maple syrup. None of that Aunt Jemima crap. That stuff is for noobs."
Then he asked me if I did my homework. I told him that I had forgot (Cade had taken me to Bullwinkles the previous night and I was so excited that I forgot to memorize the periodic table.) Mr. Goo said he'd have to fail me. I bribed him with some choice Fisher Price stash. He was cool with that. Gave me another chance, he did. As I walked away, Mr. Goo picked the green plastic ring off the yellow plastic spike toy I'd given him and put it in his mouth.
Mr. Goo did not accept my friend request on facebook. I guess he has too many things going on in his life to reconnect with one of his former unimpressive students. So I will close this note by wishing Mr. Goo well and by agreeing with Nicole that, yes, babies make the best teachers.
The baby's name was Mr. Goo and although he was only five months old, he knew his stuff. Mr. Goo taught us about polar-covalent bonding and chemical reactions while he was eating pablum. Talented kid.
Well, it's been 25 years since I was a high school freshman, which would make Mr. Goo 25 years old now. I looked him up on facebook. He currently works for NASA, where he is designing an apartment complex that will be built on Neptune (he says the heating costs will be high.)
Come to think of it, Mr. Goo also taught music. Mike Carr, you may have to back me up on this, but didn't Mr. Goo play a mean trumpet? It was either trumpet or tuba, not sure. I remember Mr. Goo once getting caught IN a tuba (took lots of Vaseline and Tahiti Treat) to get him out. But once he was properly changed and fed and had watched an episode of Mister Rogers Neighbourhoos, that little kid could play like a dream.
Mr. Goo might be angry at me for revealing this, but he was the inspiration behind the Baby Head character in Capcom's 1991 beat-em-up video game, Captain Commando.
Baby Head - for the non-geeks here - was a genius baby who designed his own robot. Most baby geniuses can walk or say ten words. This baby genius built a fricken robot. He ain't a baby genius, he's a baby god.
Once I asked Mr. Goo about the secret of his intelligence. He said it was pancakes.
"I eat seven pancakes every morning," he said. "With butter and pure maple syrup. None of that Aunt Jemima crap. That stuff is for noobs."
Then he asked me if I did my homework. I told him that I had forgot (Cade had taken me to Bullwinkles the previous night and I was so excited that I forgot to memorize the periodic table.) Mr. Goo said he'd have to fail me. I bribed him with some choice Fisher Price stash. He was cool with that. Gave me another chance, he did. As I walked away, Mr. Goo picked the green plastic ring off the yellow plastic spike toy I'd given him and put it in his mouth.
Mr. Goo did not accept my friend request on facebook. I guess he has too many things going on in his life to reconnect with one of his former unimpressive students. So I will close this note by wishing Mr. Goo well and by agreeing with Nicole that, yes, babies make the best teachers.
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