January 27: Letter on the eve of Game 7 of the Stanley Cup FInals

Dear editor:

Greetings from the Parkerville United Church Women's Social Committee. We placed a classified ad in your paper eight months ago (we were looking for rocking chairs) and since we support your newspaper, we are asking you to support us. We are getting ready to host our annual roast beef dinner, which we have every year. At the end, we will be donating $5 to the cancer society (proceeds from our rocking chair auction.) We would like to invite YOU to our roast beef dinner (cost is only $20) tonight at 7 p.m. I know this is short notice but the Parkerville United Church Women's Social Committee needs your help promoting our annual roast beef dinner, which we have every year, and also to let the community know we care about curing cancer. I will tell our roast beef dinner committee to expect you at 7.

Sincerely,

Dorothy Horton, president Parkerville United Church Women's Social Committee.

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Hi Dorothy:

Thanks for your letter.

Unfortunately, I will not be able to make it to your meeting this evening as I have already made plans. I'd be more than happy to print a picture of you donating the $5 to the cancer society. Perhaps you could take a picture with a digital camera and send it to us.

ed

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Dear editor:

Are you quite serious? In last week's newspaper, there was a front page story on how the town is going to spend all summer paving Main Street. Are you saying that what the town does is more important than the Parkerville United Church Women's Social Committee? Why are they entitled to a full page of coverage and we don't even get the courtesy of a personal appearance?

This is most unfair and, if I may say, very unprofessional.

DH.

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Dear Dorothy:

I'm sorry if you find my approach unfair or unprofessional. It's just that we usually draft our weekend schedule on Wednesday and our weekend reporter already has three assignments during the time slot you've requested. She'll be covering a benefit concert for the Canadian National Institute for the Blind, the local soccer awards, and then the disco party fundraiser for the 4-H club.

Had you given us more notice, we might have been able to slot our reporter in, or come up with an alternate arrangement. Unfortunately, I don't think we can accommodate you this time.

If I may ask, why are you so aversed to simply snapping a picture and emailing it to us?

ed

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Dear editor:

For one thing, I don't have a digital camera. For another thing, I don't have email. I am dictating this email to my son, who lives in Florida, and he is emailing it to you on my behalf.

So your weekend reporter is busy, is she? Well, I'll tell you what, Mr. Editor. Why don't YOU come down to Parkerville to cover the Parkerville United Church Women's Social Committee's annual roast beef dinner? Are you too cheap to spend the $15 on supper? Is that the problem?

The Parkerville United Church Women's Social Committee NEVER gets the coverage we deserve in the paper. Last week we bought a new table for the church. Also, we played bridge. Iris Vane won. And we're thinking of painting the church nursery in the summer. But will that make the front page? Of course not. No one at your newspaper cares about what the Parkerville United Church Women's Social Committee is doing. I may just cancel my subscription. (You can use this as a letter to the editor but please don't print my name.)

DH

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Hi Dorothy:

I can't come to your event - or rather, I WON'T come to your event - because I am otherwise engaged. As you know, I'm a big Calgary Flames fan and tonight I have tickets to game 7 as the Flames face the Montreal Canadiens in the Stanley Cup Finals.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime event for me and although I am sorry your organization won't receive the coverage you feel is due, I don't think most people would fault me for turning your request down, especially given the last minute nature of your request.

I re-iterate, Ms. Horton. I have no problem printing a picture and a write-up about the Parkerville United Church Women's Social Committee's annual roast beef dinner (which they have every year) but you or someone else in your group is going to have to take the picture and write the story.

ed

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Dear editor:

cc: newspaper's publisher, community newspaper organization, New York Times, other competing newspapers in the area.

Shame on you. What a terrible example you are sending our future journalists. You are saying that watching a hockey game is more important than your job. Well, I sure hope you're never at one of those big fancy town hall meetings when suddenly the Montreal Maple Leafs announce that they're going to play for the Stanley Cup right that very instant. Whatever would you do then, Mr. Editor? Would you just quit your job? I doubt you would. It just goes to show what you really think of the Parkerville United Church Women's Social Committee. We're just a bunch of silly old ladies who never do anything important.

Well, that's alright. But next time we need rocking chairs, I think we'll take our advertising dollars and spend it at the National Enquirer.

DH.

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