July 15: The Rosemary murders

 By special arrangement with Bantam Skylark, note-a-day is pleased to announce that Encyclopedia Brown will be guest starring in today's session.

THE ROSEMARY MURDERS

Stay away from Idaville.

That's what all the crooks told each other.

That's because no one had gotten away with committing a crime in Idaville for 11 years. Children's author Donald J Sobol thought it was because of his 11-year-old creation, Leroy "Encyclopedia" Brown, who often helped his father, Idaville's chief of police, solve mysteries at the dinner table. The real reason was that everyone in Idaville, except for Encyclopedia Brown, was a moron.

On the Saturday afternoon of the Victoria Day weekend, Encyclopedia Brown was sitting in his detective agency with his not-so-secret crush, Sally Kimball, who could beat up any boy in Idaville because Donald J Sobol was all rah rah feminism. Anyway, as Encyclopedia was reading a book about diamonds or lactating parade marshalls or something like that, the door of the garage burst open and Bugs Meaney's uncle, Simon Garfunkel, ran in and put a quarter down on the card table. Encyclopedia Brown only charged 25 cents a day to solve crimes.

"Please help me," Uncle Simon Garfunkel said. "My aunt Rosemary was murdered last night."

"Okay," said Encyclopedia, who had agreed to take the case for 25 cents even though he knew he could get in serious trouble for interfering with a murder investigation. "Who are the suspects?"

"My three sisters, Parsley, Sage, and Thyme," said Uncle Simon Garfunkel. "Aunt Rosemary had won a million dollars in the Idaville lottery and all three of them were really jealous. They were also angry that aunt Rosemary wasn't sharing the wealth."

"Tell me how your aunt Rosemary died?"

"Someone stabbed her in the neck with her knitting scissors. They found her dead on her kitchen floor. It was terrible. The cat ate her eyes. Oh whatever will I..."

"Shut up," said Encyclopedia. "I imagine all three of your sisters have alibis for the time of the murder, yes?"

"Of course," said Uncle Simon Garfunkel. "Parsley says that she was bowling by herself at the Idaville bowling alley. Sage says that she was eating a Big Mac at the McDonalds out on route 17. Thyme says she was at a friend's house watching the Maple Leafs game. I imagine you'll want to talk to them all, yes?"

"I don't need to," said Encyclopedia Brown. "I already know who the murderer is."

HOW DID ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN KNOW WHO MURDERED AUNT ROSEMARY?

Encyclopedia Brown knew that Thyme was the murderer.

Thyme said she had been watching the Maple Leafs play hockey. Since it was Victoria Day weekend, Encyclopedia Brown knew that the Stanley Cup playoffs would be in the second round and that the Maple Leafs would have been eliminated in the first.

When Uncle Simon Garfunkel confronted his sister, Thyme, with this evidence, she confessed immediately. 

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