Dec. 5: If Shteevie was Prime Minister
If I was the Prime Minister, I
would allow public flogging as a form of punishment. If someone steals a
truckload of radios, it makes more sense to flog them (and humiliate
the crap out of them) than stick them in jail for a year or so and let
taxpayers foot the bill.
Don't think for a second that I'm not serious. I am. Also, I'd allow public floggings for kids as young as 13. Think it's funny to vandalize someone's property or steal a car or bully someone until they're crying? Well let's just tie you to this whipping post and drop your trousers down to your ankles. Okay, now someone's going to take this bamboo pole and they're going to swing it as hard as they can against your backside. THWACK!!! Ooh, that's got to hurt. Now you've got a big pink welt on your butt. Bad news though: we're not stopping now. You have nine more of these lashes to go. Hey, be thankful you just vandalized some tombstones at the cemetery. Had you committed theft over a thousand you'd be facing 50 lashes.
Okay, you're done. See that blood on the floor? That's yours. Hurts doesn't it? Well, it's going to hurt for at least a week. The doctor recommends you don't sit down for a while. You'd better go home and lie on your belly and think about stuff, like how you're not going to steal anything or vandalize anything or bully anyone ever again.
I was talking to a local politician the other day. The politician spent about four decades in law enforcement. He told me a story about a man he met a long time ago. This man was publicly flogged for stealing money from a business. He went to the flogging post thinking that the punishment was no big deal - that the reward of that money was bigger than the punishment - but he changed his tune after the first whack.
"I never stole anything after that," he said.
Awesome.
Don't think for a second that I'm not serious. I am. Also, I'd allow public floggings for kids as young as 13. Think it's funny to vandalize someone's property or steal a car or bully someone until they're crying? Well let's just tie you to this whipping post and drop your trousers down to your ankles. Okay, now someone's going to take this bamboo pole and they're going to swing it as hard as they can against your backside. THWACK!!! Ooh, that's got to hurt. Now you've got a big pink welt on your butt. Bad news though: we're not stopping now. You have nine more of these lashes to go. Hey, be thankful you just vandalized some tombstones at the cemetery. Had you committed theft over a thousand you'd be facing 50 lashes.
Okay, you're done. See that blood on the floor? That's yours. Hurts doesn't it? Well, it's going to hurt for at least a week. The doctor recommends you don't sit down for a while. You'd better go home and lie on your belly and think about stuff, like how you're not going to steal anything or vandalize anything or bully anyone ever again.
I was talking to a local politician the other day. The politician spent about four decades in law enforcement. He told me a story about a man he met a long time ago. This man was publicly flogged for stealing money from a business. He went to the flogging post thinking that the punishment was no big deal - that the reward of that money was bigger than the punishment - but he changed his tune after the first whack.
"I never stole anything after that," he said.
Awesome.
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