Dec. 14: Should blue and green only be seen in the washing machine?
My friend Natalie has a friend named Kathy. Kathy has green eyes.
Kathy insists her eyes are blue. So does Natalie. Both of them are
colour blind. I am not. Kathy's eyes are green. Also, few people
actually look at her eyes. There is a reason for this.
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I read somewhere that everyone who has blue eyes is related. Of course this is true. Everyone who has eyes of any colour is also related. If you believe the Bible, you believe we all descended from one couple, Adam and Eve. If you believe evolution than we all descended from the primordial soup (which probably didn't taste like chunky chicken.) The point of the matter is that I am not impressed when someone says that all people with blue eyes are related. To me, it's just not saying much. It's like saying: "Everyone who is left handed is related."
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The bit of blue eyed phenomenon comes from a group of Danish researchers who believe that blue eyes are a fairly recent development in the ongoing saga of homo sapiens. Get this: people with blue eyes are mutants. Take that, Kathy.
From USA Today:
"Lead scientist Hans Eiberg, a geneticist at Copenhagen University, began in 1973 to study a Danish father with 17 children who carried the gene for both blue and brown eyes. Over time, researchers were able to trace the blue-eyed trait to one specific area near a gene called OCA2. The paper appears in the journal Human Genetics.
"Eiberg's team then tested 155 blue-eyed people from Scandinavia, Turkey, Jordan and India, looking to see whether they, too, had similar DNA sequences on that gene. To their amazement, they found that each individual had identical DNA sequences in that region of that gene, an indication that the original mutation happened recently enough that it hasn't had time to change."
This means that at least three of my ex-girlfriends are related to each other. I am not sure how some of them would feel about that.
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Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Green is actually just blue with yellow. I learned this when I was eight and the water in the toilet bowl was blue. Go pee. Now the water is green. Maybe people with green eyes actually have blue eyes that are mixed with pee.
Kinky.
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For the above reason, I now believe Kathy has blue eyes.
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I do not own a washing machine. When I want to do laundry, I go to the laundromat. I am pretty good about not putting a red sock in with a bunch of white linen, but I don't go to extremes. I will mix blue and green and red together in one big washing machine sudsy stew. If it's a front load with a glass door, I can sit there and watch my clothes tumble around for about 20 minutes. It is amazing. All those clothes are like tiny tiny colourful spineless acrobats. Mr. Flames shirt does a backflip and then Mr. Aerosmith T-shirt does a swan dive - all thanks to the magic of Tide and the spin cycle. Eeeeeeeeeeee.
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The word 'clothes' interests me as does the word 'groceries." They are both plural versions of words that don't have singles.
Let's take a look at groceries first. Imagine you walk into a room and you see a table. On the table is a carton of milk. I ask you what you see on the table and you will say "a carton of milk."
Now let's add a loaf of bread. I ask you what you see and you'll say "milk and bread."
Now let's add a box of Raisin Bran. I ask you what you see and you'll say "I see some milk and bread and a box of cereal."
Now we'll add some grapes. I ask you what you see on the table and you'll say "groceries."
Groceries is a magic word that we can use to lump a whole bunch of foodstuffs into one convenient word. You don't look at a carton of milk and describe it as "a grocery." Only a nitwit would do that. Or me.
The same applies with clothes but I don't think that term is quite as loose as groceries. To be clothes, all you need is two articles of clothing. If I have a T-shirt on my bed, no one is going to say "there's an article of clothing on Shteevie's bed" or "There's a clo on Shteevie's bed." (A clo is the singular of clothes. The fact that my word processor is underlining that word in red is proof of how idiotic a word it is.)
But now if I add a pair of shorts, the T-shirt and shorts stop becoming a shirt and shorts and they start becoming clothes. This is fascinating. All you need to do to make clothes is have two different articles of clothing.
One fur coat plus one glove = clothes.
Clothes (fur coat plus glove) minus one glove = fur coat.
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You probably shouldn't put a fur coat in a washing machine unless you belong to PETA and you object to people wearing fur. You could fill the washing machine with blue and/or green paint and then you'd turn the fur coat into an art project. You could hang it at the Louvre.
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To answer the question posed in this note's title: No, blue and green should not be confined to the washing machine.
I like the sky being blue. I like the ocean being blue. I like some people's eyes being blue, even when those eyes are not in the head of Kathy.
I like grass being green. I like Saskatchewan Roughriders being green. I like some people's eyes being green, like Kathy's.
It is time to end this note now that I've made you abreast of the situation.
-
I read somewhere that everyone who has blue eyes is related. Of course this is true. Everyone who has eyes of any colour is also related. If you believe the Bible, you believe we all descended from one couple, Adam and Eve. If you believe evolution than we all descended from the primordial soup (which probably didn't taste like chunky chicken.) The point of the matter is that I am not impressed when someone says that all people with blue eyes are related. To me, it's just not saying much. It's like saying: "Everyone who is left handed is related."
-
The bit of blue eyed phenomenon comes from a group of Danish researchers who believe that blue eyes are a fairly recent development in the ongoing saga of homo sapiens. Get this: people with blue eyes are mutants. Take that, Kathy.
From USA Today:
"Lead scientist Hans Eiberg, a geneticist at Copenhagen University, began in 1973 to study a Danish father with 17 children who carried the gene for both blue and brown eyes. Over time, researchers were able to trace the blue-eyed trait to one specific area near a gene called OCA2. The paper appears in the journal Human Genetics.
"Eiberg's team then tested 155 blue-eyed people from Scandinavia, Turkey, Jordan and India, looking to see whether they, too, had similar DNA sequences on that gene. To their amazement, they found that each individual had identical DNA sequences in that region of that gene, an indication that the original mutation happened recently enough that it hasn't had time to change."
This means that at least three of my ex-girlfriends are related to each other. I am not sure how some of them would feel about that.
-
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
-
Green is actually just blue with yellow. I learned this when I was eight and the water in the toilet bowl was blue. Go pee. Now the water is green. Maybe people with green eyes actually have blue eyes that are mixed with pee.
Kinky.
-
For the above reason, I now believe Kathy has blue eyes.
-
I do not own a washing machine. When I want to do laundry, I go to the laundromat. I am pretty good about not putting a red sock in with a bunch of white linen, but I don't go to extremes. I will mix blue and green and red together in one big washing machine sudsy stew. If it's a front load with a glass door, I can sit there and watch my clothes tumble around for about 20 minutes. It is amazing. All those clothes are like tiny tiny colourful spineless acrobats. Mr. Flames shirt does a backflip and then Mr. Aerosmith T-shirt does a swan dive - all thanks to the magic of Tide and the spin cycle. Eeeeeeeeeeee.
-
The word 'clothes' interests me as does the word 'groceries." They are both plural versions of words that don't have singles.
Let's take a look at groceries first. Imagine you walk into a room and you see a table. On the table is a carton of milk. I ask you what you see on the table and you will say "a carton of milk."
Now let's add a loaf of bread. I ask you what you see and you'll say "milk and bread."
Now let's add a box of Raisin Bran. I ask you what you see and you'll say "I see some milk and bread and a box of cereal."
Now we'll add some grapes. I ask you what you see on the table and you'll say "groceries."
Groceries is a magic word that we can use to lump a whole bunch of foodstuffs into one convenient word. You don't look at a carton of milk and describe it as "a grocery." Only a nitwit would do that. Or me.
The same applies with clothes but I don't think that term is quite as loose as groceries. To be clothes, all you need is two articles of clothing. If I have a T-shirt on my bed, no one is going to say "there's an article of clothing on Shteevie's bed" or "There's a clo on Shteevie's bed." (A clo is the singular of clothes. The fact that my word processor is underlining that word in red is proof of how idiotic a word it is.)
But now if I add a pair of shorts, the T-shirt and shorts stop becoming a shirt and shorts and they start becoming clothes. This is fascinating. All you need to do to make clothes is have two different articles of clothing.
One fur coat plus one glove = clothes.
Clothes (fur coat plus glove) minus one glove = fur coat.
-
You probably shouldn't put a fur coat in a washing machine unless you belong to PETA and you object to people wearing fur. You could fill the washing machine with blue and/or green paint and then you'd turn the fur coat into an art project. You could hang it at the Louvre.
-
To answer the question posed in this note's title: No, blue and green should not be confined to the washing machine.
I like the sky being blue. I like the ocean being blue. I like some people's eyes being blue, even when those eyes are not in the head of Kathy.
I like grass being green. I like Saskatchewan Roughriders being green. I like some people's eyes being green, like Kathy's.
It is time to end this note now that I've made you abreast of the situation.
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