April 8: The importance of deodorant
When I was 15 or so, my
brother and I were riding in the backseat of someone's convertible. It
was a very hot day and I was not wearing a shirt. As such, I put my
hands behind my head and lay back to relax.
I had neglected to put on deodorant that day.
It was an uncomfortable ride for my brother.
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They say that deodorant is okay but anti-persperant is bad. Anti-persperant is designed to clog up the sweat pores, thus trapping harmful bacteria inside the body. Wearing anti-persperant is a bit like sewing your bumhole shut.
-
Actually, there isn't a whole lot of science to back up the above paragraph. I just wanted to get a laugh with the bumhole line.
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True or not, I don't buy antipersperant because if my body wants to get rid of something, it should be allowed to. This is why I like deodorant. I might sweat, but at least my sweat will smell like a waterfall in Ireland.
-
Perfume is bad. Science has not been able to come up with anything that smells better than a woman's natural scent.
Once I dated a girl who smelled like powdered milk.
Much better than Chanel No. 5.
And if you are lucky enough to be present when a woman steps out of a shower, bury your nose in her hair and inhale.
And there is the door to heaven.
-
Some girls like to drink tea.
-
I wear Axe deodorant. I wear it even though Axe is a stupid name for deodorant. When I think of axes, I don't think of my armpits. I think of trees and lumberjacks and psychotic killers from cheesy 1980s horror movies. I don't want anyone swinging an axe at my armpits. I don't want anyone tickling them either. I am ticklish. I like to tickle people.
-
I probably bought the Axe because of the really stupid advertising campaign, the one that has us believe that Axe is so pumped full of pheromones that the opposite sex will find us irresistible.
This is silly.
Girls don't dig the guys because of the deodorant they wear. They dig them because they are nice or they drive fancy cars or they know how to make pants or do magic tricks or write about deodorant in note-a-day.
-
I went swimming the other day. In the change room there was this fat guy who had lots of white chest hair and a big tattoo of the American flag on his back. He smelled like cheddar cheese and old mushrooms. He was talking to a teenaged boy, probably his son, about the Vietnam war. As he talked, he scratched his ass. He was wearing Speedos. The Speedos were blue.
I'm not sure, but I bet his armpits smelled bad.
He could do with an understanding of the importance of deodorant.
I had neglected to put on deodorant that day.
It was an uncomfortable ride for my brother.
-
They say that deodorant is okay but anti-persperant is bad. Anti-persperant is designed to clog up the sweat pores, thus trapping harmful bacteria inside the body. Wearing anti-persperant is a bit like sewing your bumhole shut.
-
Actually, there isn't a whole lot of science to back up the above paragraph. I just wanted to get a laugh with the bumhole line.
-
True or not, I don't buy antipersperant because if my body wants to get rid of something, it should be allowed to. This is why I like deodorant. I might sweat, but at least my sweat will smell like a waterfall in Ireland.
-
Perfume is bad. Science has not been able to come up with anything that smells better than a woman's natural scent.
Once I dated a girl who smelled like powdered milk.
Much better than Chanel No. 5.
And if you are lucky enough to be present when a woman steps out of a shower, bury your nose in her hair and inhale.
And there is the door to heaven.
-
Some girls like to drink tea.
-
I wear Axe deodorant. I wear it even though Axe is a stupid name for deodorant. When I think of axes, I don't think of my armpits. I think of trees and lumberjacks and psychotic killers from cheesy 1980s horror movies. I don't want anyone swinging an axe at my armpits. I don't want anyone tickling them either. I am ticklish. I like to tickle people.
-
I probably bought the Axe because of the really stupid advertising campaign, the one that has us believe that Axe is so pumped full of pheromones that the opposite sex will find us irresistible.
This is silly.
Girls don't dig the guys because of the deodorant they wear. They dig them because they are nice or they drive fancy cars or they know how to make pants or do magic tricks or write about deodorant in note-a-day.
-
I went swimming the other day. In the change room there was this fat guy who had lots of white chest hair and a big tattoo of the American flag on his back. He smelled like cheddar cheese and old mushrooms. He was talking to a teenaged boy, probably his son, about the Vietnam war. As he talked, he scratched his ass. He was wearing Speedos. The Speedos were blue.
I'm not sure, but I bet his armpits smelled bad.
He could do with an understanding of the importance of deodorant.
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