April 11: If I was a cow
I would stand around and say "moo" all day.
I would especially say moo if I was a dairy cow who spent all my life in a dairy barn. But if I was a free range cow (a cow that is brown) then I wouldn't say moo a lot. I would probably spend all day eating grass.
I would stop eating grass when a motorist on the road got out of his car to take my picture. Here is what I would do in a situation like that: Look at the motorist. That's it. I'd just look at him. If the motorist got within 60 feet of me, I would run away.
Then one day, someone would take me to a slaughterhouse and I would die. Then they would rip out my flesh and give it to McDonalds, who would turn it into hamburgers. Then people would buy the hamburgers and eat them and excrete the byproduct into toilet bowls and then, through a long and complicated process, I would become nutrients in the ground, which would make grass grow, which other cows would then eat.
-
Is there such a thing as a wild cow?
Logic tells me that, at one time, there had to be. Animals are, by nature, wild. When people say wild, we mean "the animal will routinely do things that I do not want it to do."
Hence, a wild cow will:
-Run away
-Say moo a lot
-Attack you
-Get mad when you try to milk it
-Say moo even more
-Shit on your front lawn and eat all your grass
-Say moo all day long
A tamed cow will:
-Stand in a stall all day
-Let you milk it
-Smell really bad
-Have lots of flies around its eyes
-Say moo a lot
-
Okay, I am curious so I went to Google to ask about wild cattle. It took me to a site called http://www.wildcattleconservation.org/, which is dedicated to educating me (and people like me) about preserving wild cattle around the world. Here is what it says:
"Until thesixteenth century, 12 species of wild cattle were distributed acrossAsia, Europe, Africa and North America.Today, there remain only 10 species that are restricted to tiny,fragmented populations in a few countries. Increasing human populationshave encroached upon wild cattle habitat and all extant species arethreatened by human activities. Hunting and illegal trade are the mostcommon and potentially severe threats. Unfortunately, the ecologicalcharacteristics of these species, which typically include a slow growthrate, delayed maturity and low fecundity, are all factors whichexacerbate the threats they face by limiting their ability to recoverfrom the more serious dangers posed by human exploitation."
-
That paragraph reminds me of something that happened to me in Grade 6.
The class was at a place called Camp Horizon, where we were supposed to speak French all the time. The three-day camp ended with something called The Nature Game. Each of us was given an animal to pretend to be. Two of us were wolves (Robin Hicks and Rita Koo were wolves.) Four of us were deer (I was a deer.) There were also foxes and rabbits and other forest beasties. If you were a herbivore, your goal was to find different feeding stations around the forest. If you were a carnivore, your goal was to eat the herbivores. Since I was a bigger herbivore, only the wolves could eat me.
We were all given four lives. Robin and Rita both caught me once so I had to hand over two of my lives. About a half an hour into the game, Robert Millar and Roberta Thumm entered the forest - Robert represented disaster and Roberta represented disease. They could catch anyone they wanted to - herbivore or carnivore - and take a life.
Then, about an hour into the game, our teacher, Mr. Nadeau, entered the forest. We were told that if Mr. Nadeau saw you, you had to give him all of your lives and remove yourself from the game. He didn't have to catch you. He just had to see you.
Later, we were asked who Mr. Nadeau represented. We were given clues. We were told that Mr. Nadeau represented the most dangerous animal on Earth.
Mankind.
(Tagging some of my Grade 6 classmates to see if they remember this.)
-
Milk is yummy
and milk is from
cows
and
first the farmer
milks the cow
and then he takes the milk and he puts it in a box
and then you go to the store
and you buy it
and you drink it
and it's so yummy!!!
Best cow song ever!
(cries)
-
Duran Duran once sang a song called Wild Boys. (Robin Hicks was a big fan of Duran Duran as were quite a few people in Grade 6. Not me though. I liked Twisted Sister.) The song was inspired by William S. Burroughs 1971 novel The Wild Boys. I will now put on my Weird Al hat and change the lyrics so it's about cows. Please download the song on youtube or itunes and sing along with me.
I would especially say moo if I was a dairy cow who spent all my life in a dairy barn. But if I was a free range cow (a cow that is brown) then I wouldn't say moo a lot. I would probably spend all day eating grass.
I would stop eating grass when a motorist on the road got out of his car to take my picture. Here is what I would do in a situation like that: Look at the motorist. That's it. I'd just look at him. If the motorist got within 60 feet of me, I would run away.
Then one day, someone would take me to a slaughterhouse and I would die. Then they would rip out my flesh and give it to McDonalds, who would turn it into hamburgers. Then people would buy the hamburgers and eat them and excrete the byproduct into toilet bowls and then, through a long and complicated process, I would become nutrients in the ground, which would make grass grow, which other cows would then eat.
-
Is there such a thing as a wild cow?
Logic tells me that, at one time, there had to be. Animals are, by nature, wild. When people say wild, we mean "the animal will routinely do things that I do not want it to do."
Hence, a wild cow will:
-Run away
-Say moo a lot
-Attack you
-Get mad when you try to milk it
-Say moo even more
-Shit on your front lawn and eat all your grass
-Say moo all day long
A tamed cow will:
-Stand in a stall all day
-Let you milk it
-Smell really bad
-Have lots of flies around its eyes
-Say moo a lot
-
Okay, I am curious so I went to Google to ask about wild cattle. It took me to a site called http://www.wildcattleconservation.org/, which is dedicated to educating me (and people like me) about preserving wild cattle around the world. Here is what it says:
"Until thesixteenth century, 12 species of wild cattle were distributed acrossAsia, Europe, Africa and North America.Today, there remain only 10 species that are restricted to tiny,fragmented populations in a few countries. Increasing human populationshave encroached upon wild cattle habitat and all extant species arethreatened by human activities. Hunting and illegal trade are the mostcommon and potentially severe threats. Unfortunately, the ecologicalcharacteristics of these species, which typically include a slow growthrate, delayed maturity and low fecundity, are all factors whichexacerbate the threats they face by limiting their ability to recoverfrom the more serious dangers posed by human exploitation."
-
That paragraph reminds me of something that happened to me in Grade 6.
The class was at a place called Camp Horizon, where we were supposed to speak French all the time. The three-day camp ended with something called The Nature Game. Each of us was given an animal to pretend to be. Two of us were wolves (Robin Hicks and Rita Koo were wolves.) Four of us were deer (I was a deer.) There were also foxes and rabbits and other forest beasties. If you were a herbivore, your goal was to find different feeding stations around the forest. If you were a carnivore, your goal was to eat the herbivores. Since I was a bigger herbivore, only the wolves could eat me.
We were all given four lives. Robin and Rita both caught me once so I had to hand over two of my lives. About a half an hour into the game, Robert Millar and Roberta Thumm entered the forest - Robert represented disaster and Roberta represented disease. They could catch anyone they wanted to - herbivore or carnivore - and take a life.
Then, about an hour into the game, our teacher, Mr. Nadeau, entered the forest. We were told that if Mr. Nadeau saw you, you had to give him all of your lives and remove yourself from the game. He didn't have to catch you. He just had to see you.
Later, we were asked who Mr. Nadeau represented. We were given clues. We were told that Mr. Nadeau represented the most dangerous animal on Earth.
Mankind.
(Tagging some of my Grade 6 classmates to see if they remember this.)
-
Milk is yummy
and milk is from
cows
and
first the farmer
milks the cow
and then he takes the milk and he puts it in a box
and then you go to the store
and you buy it
and you drink it
and it's so yummy!!!
Best cow song ever!
(cries)
-
Duran Duran once sang a song called Wild Boys. (Robin Hicks was a big fan of Duran Duran as were quite a few people in Grade 6. Not me though. I liked Twisted Sister.) The song was inspired by William S. Burroughs 1971 novel The Wild Boys. I will now put on my Weird Al hat and change the lyrics so it's about cows. Please download the song on youtube or itunes and sing along with me.
Wild cows, wild cows, wild cows
Wild cows
Wild! Cows!
The wild cows are mooing as they stand out in the field
The August moon is rising as they eat their nightly meal
Wild cows spend all day there grazing, dirty and so hungry
On the razors edge you walk because there's murder
in their eyeballs 'cause they don't like human beings
We try to hunt them, looks like we'll try again
Wild cows keep on mooing
Wild cows aren't at Mickey D's
Wild cows always chew their cud
Wild cows always pee
You got leather in your jacket, that's cow skin on your back
And the wild cows they will wear you too 'cause they will soon attack
Wild cows wonder nothing at all; they are far too stupid
Now the hamburgers are made
the tamed cows at the abbatoir, the beef is second grade
They tried to tame you, looks like they'll try again
Wild cows keep on mooing
Wild cows always chew their cud
Wild cows never eat fresh hay
Wild cows stand in mud
Etc...
-
And that is all I have to say about cows.
Wild cows
Wild! Cows!
The wild cows are mooing as they stand out in the field
The August moon is rising as they eat their nightly meal
Wild cows spend all day there grazing, dirty and so hungry
On the razors edge you walk because there's murder
in their eyeballs 'cause they don't like human beings
We try to hunt them, looks like we'll try again
Wild cows keep on mooing
Wild cows aren't at Mickey D's
Wild cows always chew their cud
Wild cows always pee
You got leather in your jacket, that's cow skin on your back
And the wild cows they will wear you too 'cause they will soon attack
Wild cows wonder nothing at all; they are far too stupid
Now the hamburgers are made
the tamed cows at the abbatoir, the beef is second grade
They tried to tame you, looks like they'll try again
Wild cows keep on mooing
Wild cows always chew their cud
Wild cows never eat fresh hay
Wild cows stand in mud
Etc...
-
And that is all I have to say about cows.
Comments
Post a Comment