April 14: My favourite Rick Astley song
She wants to dance with me.
End of note.
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Okay... just kidding. That should be the end of the note because I really don't want to talk about Rick Astley, who I would like to forget.
But then I asked myself, why is it so important that you forget Rick Astley? Has Rick Astley ever kicked you in the balls? Has he ever poured a chocolate milkshake on your head? Has he ever farted while you and him were riding in an elevator? Rick Astley has done none of these things. In fact, I have never met him. As far as I know, Rick Astley and I have never been on the same continent at the same time. Rick Astley and Io (one of the moons of Jupiter) both have something in common - they have never done anything to me at all.
My problem with Rick Astley is that he was really big when I was in Grade 10. Back then, I was a pimply-faced nerd and I got really nervous whenever girls expressed admiration for guys who weren't me. Some of the girls in my drama class liked RIck Astley (they also liked Tiffany) so Rick Astley became bad.
But Rick Astley was a redhead and he looked a lot like Archie Andrews and this meant that girls thought Archie Andrews was cuter than me and this made me sad so Rick Astley had to die.
-
I don't know why I hated Rick Astley but Michael Hutchense got a pass. When girls talked about Rick Astley, they meant they'd like to dance with him at the soda shop or let him take them to the amusement park. When they talked about Michael Hutchense, they talked about how they'd like to feel his hands on their ankles and how they'd like to spend a weekend with him in a hotel room playing Tiddly Winks. This taught me that there were several levels of cuteness and you probably weren't able to make it to the first level when you were in Grade 10 and you had zits and you were five-foot-six.
-
By the way, Rick Astley will not take offense to this note. That would let me down and letting me down is something he promised he would never do. He also promised he'd never give me up, make me cry, or hurt me.
Stand up guy, that Rick Astley.
-
See... when I tell people my favourite Rick Astley song is She Wants to Dance With Me, they always react the same. Namely, they don't. That's because no one ever asks me about my favourite Rick Astley song. I'm sure I would have been asked that if I was a 14-year-old girl and the year was 1988 and I was reading Tiger Beat, but I ain't. Life took me on a different course, thank you very much.
Still, most people's favourite Rick Astley song is probably Never Gonna Give You Up, which made it number one in six billion countries and, for a while, became the national anthem of Chad. The second most popular choice is Together Forever, which is basically the same song as Never Gonna Give You Up, only with different words. Never Gonna Give You Up is about the promises a guy makes to his new girlfriend. Together Forever is about him telling his girlfriend that he is good on those promises. He also had a song called It Would Take a Strong Man to Let You Go, which is a really stupid thing to say because it tells women that the only way to get long-term stability is to date wimps.
-
So let's move on to She Wants to Dance With Me. I saw the video on MuchMusic in 1989 shortly after my first semester of high school had come to a close. I was sitting in Cade's basement and we were eating Easter Creme Eggs and drinking Dr. Pepper and Cade was telling me about his favourite episode of Degrassi Junior High when the Rick Astley video came on. In it, Rick and his entourage walk into a restaurant and there's a group of girls sitting at a nearby table and they get all excited because Rick Astley is in their midst. Then Rick takes the stage and he starts belting out his song and the girls get up to dance and everyone has a good time. Everyone, that is, except the waitress (who is still cute because ugly people never appear in rock videos) who has to serve hamburgers. But at the end of the video, Rick takes pity on her and he hands the hamburgers to a guy with a mullet and then Rick and the waitress go to the dance floor to dance to the next song, which would probably be Prince singing Let's Go Crazy, because that is the best song ever!!!
-
In Grade 10, there was this kid in Grade 12 named Scott Fech and he told me he liked Rick Astley and I thought he was silly because I believed the only cool music came from Twisted Sister and Motley Crue and dudes who dressed like chicks (and Cyndi Lauper, but this was a secret.)
But Scott didn't care what I thought and good for him. I'm 41 and if I liked Rick Astley, I'd download his music on my iPod and play it as loud as I wanted and who cares if someone thinks my music sucks. Same thing applies to Justin Bieber. Or Selena Gomez. Actually, I admit I like Selena's If you're ready come and get it song. Catchy. And when I see the video, I have to tell myself that this is being sung by a gal who once appeared on Barney.
Rick Astley is old enough to be Selena Gomez's dad. I am old enough to be Selena Gomez's dad. I may even be old enough to be her grandfather. This is depressing.
Even so, if Rick was Selena's daddy, it would be comforting to know that he would never give her up, run around, or desert her.
eeeeeeeeeee
End of note.
Geri Haliwell plus one tonne of testosterone equals...
-
Okay... just kidding. That should be the end of the note because I really don't want to talk about Rick Astley, who I would like to forget.
But then I asked myself, why is it so important that you forget Rick Astley? Has Rick Astley ever kicked you in the balls? Has he ever poured a chocolate milkshake on your head? Has he ever farted while you and him were riding in an elevator? Rick Astley has done none of these things. In fact, I have never met him. As far as I know, Rick Astley and I have never been on the same continent at the same time. Rick Astley and Io (one of the moons of Jupiter) both have something in common - they have never done anything to me at all.
My problem with Rick Astley is that he was really big when I was in Grade 10. Back then, I was a pimply-faced nerd and I got really nervous whenever girls expressed admiration for guys who weren't me. Some of the girls in my drama class liked RIck Astley (they also liked Tiffany) so Rick Astley became bad.
But Rick Astley was a redhead and he looked a lot like Archie Andrews and this meant that girls thought Archie Andrews was cuter than me and this made me sad so Rick Astley had to die.
Zoiks. I look like Rick Astley.
-
I don't know why I hated Rick Astley but Michael Hutchense got a pass. When girls talked about Rick Astley, they meant they'd like to dance with him at the soda shop or let him take them to the amusement park. When they talked about Michael Hutchense, they talked about how they'd like to feel his hands on their ankles and how they'd like to spend a weekend with him in a hotel room playing Tiddly Winks. This taught me that there were several levels of cuteness and you probably weren't able to make it to the first level when you were in Grade 10 and you had zits and you were five-foot-six.
Gimme some credit. At least I didn't die when I was 27.
-
By the way, Rick Astley will not take offense to this note. That would let me down and letting me down is something he promised he would never do. He also promised he'd never give me up, make me cry, or hurt me.
Stand up guy, that Rick Astley.
-
See... when I tell people my favourite Rick Astley song is She Wants to Dance With Me, they always react the same. Namely, they don't. That's because no one ever asks me about my favourite Rick Astley song. I'm sure I would have been asked that if I was a 14-year-old girl and the year was 1988 and I was reading Tiger Beat, but I ain't. Life took me on a different course, thank you very much.
Still, most people's favourite Rick Astley song is probably Never Gonna Give You Up, which made it number one in six billion countries and, for a while, became the national anthem of Chad. The second most popular choice is Together Forever, which is basically the same song as Never Gonna Give You Up, only with different words. Never Gonna Give You Up is about the promises a guy makes to his new girlfriend. Together Forever is about him telling his girlfriend that he is good on those promises. He also had a song called It Would Take a Strong Man to Let You Go, which is a really stupid thing to say because it tells women that the only way to get long-term stability is to date wimps.
-
So let's move on to She Wants to Dance With Me. I saw the video on MuchMusic in 1989 shortly after my first semester of high school had come to a close. I was sitting in Cade's basement and we were eating Easter Creme Eggs and drinking Dr. Pepper and Cade was telling me about his favourite episode of Degrassi Junior High when the Rick Astley video came on. In it, Rick and his entourage walk into a restaurant and there's a group of girls sitting at a nearby table and they get all excited because Rick Astley is in their midst. Then Rick takes the stage and he starts belting out his song and the girls get up to dance and everyone has a good time. Everyone, that is, except the waitress (who is still cute because ugly people never appear in rock videos) who has to serve hamburgers. But at the end of the video, Rick takes pity on her and he hands the hamburgers to a guy with a mullet and then Rick and the waitress go to the dance floor to dance to the next song, which would probably be Prince singing Let's Go Crazy, because that is the best song ever!!!
Damn straight, Shteevie. I'm better than Miles Davis and Freddie Mercury. Don't let LaFleche tell you any different.
-
In Grade 10, there was this kid in Grade 12 named Scott Fech and he told me he liked Rick Astley and I thought he was silly because I believed the only cool music came from Twisted Sister and Motley Crue and dudes who dressed like chicks (and Cyndi Lauper, but this was a secret.)
But Scott didn't care what I thought and good for him. I'm 41 and if I liked Rick Astley, I'd download his music on my iPod and play it as loud as I wanted and who cares if someone thinks my music sucks. Same thing applies to Justin Bieber. Or Selena Gomez. Actually, I admit I like Selena's If you're ready come and get it song. Catchy. And when I see the video, I have to tell myself that this is being sung by a gal who once appeared on Barney.
Hey... Prince and I can be purple together
Rick Astley is old enough to be Selena Gomez's dad. I am old enough to be Selena Gomez's dad. I may even be old enough to be her grandfather. This is depressing.
Even so, if Rick was Selena's daddy, it would be comforting to know that he would never give her up, run around, or desert her.
eeeeeeeeeee
Any homo-erotic subtext of this note has now been officially annihilated.
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