April 16: Bottle caps
For my 11th birthday, my grandma gave me a book called Johnny's in the
basement. It was about an 11-year-old boy who had the world's largest
bottle cap collection. It was so big that it took over his entire
basement. In the first chapter, Johnny received a letter from the
President of the United States, who had written to congratulate him on
his collection. The president had also enclosed a bottlecap. Johnny kept
the bottlecap and threw the letter away. I thought Johnny was a moron.
If you get a personal letter from the prez, isn't it supposed to be a
keepsake?
I didn't think the book was very well written but I read it anyway. The plot was about Johnny refusing to grow up. There was a sequence where he sits on a fire hydrant outside his house and talks to the moon. He had a bike named Zordtch that had full rubber tires and no brakes (Johnny's parents were idiots.) Johnny had a sister named Christine, who played the trumpet. For one of his 11th birthday presents, Johnny was given dance lessons. It was at the dance lessons that he met a girl named Stephanie Plum, who later became his first kiss. Johnny and Stephanie kissing was, in fact, the climax of the book.
Somewhere in there, Johnny's parents decided to get rid of the bottlecaps. They gave no reason for this except that Johnny was getting too old for them. Now that I am 41, I think the parents should have said: "You know, Johnny, your mom and I really saved to buy this house and we're not all that keen on letting your bottlecaps take over the entire basement." Instead, it was written like: "We're mean parents and we're getting rid of the bottlecaps just because we want to deprive you of joy."
So the parents sold the bottlecaps to a pair of crooked scrap metal salespeople and Johnny got a cheque for a little over $200. He decided that he was going to take Stephanie and his best friend, Donald, to the mall so they could spend the money on junk. I remember them getting a sundae in a dish that was shaped like a bathtub and that Stephanie ordered a glass of prune juice, which meant her kiss with Johnny probably didn't last very long.
On the subject of bottlecaps themselves, may I say that they are pleasant things because they are indicators that a beverage has been enjoyed from a glass bottle. Anyone who knows anything will tell you that a glass bottle is the best way to drink pop. Plastic is awful stuff.
I didn't think the book was very well written but I read it anyway. The plot was about Johnny refusing to grow up. There was a sequence where he sits on a fire hydrant outside his house and talks to the moon. He had a bike named Zordtch that had full rubber tires and no brakes (Johnny's parents were idiots.) Johnny had a sister named Christine, who played the trumpet. For one of his 11th birthday presents, Johnny was given dance lessons. It was at the dance lessons that he met a girl named Stephanie Plum, who later became his first kiss. Johnny and Stephanie kissing was, in fact, the climax of the book.
Somewhere in there, Johnny's parents decided to get rid of the bottlecaps. They gave no reason for this except that Johnny was getting too old for them. Now that I am 41, I think the parents should have said: "You know, Johnny, your mom and I really saved to buy this house and we're not all that keen on letting your bottlecaps take over the entire basement." Instead, it was written like: "We're mean parents and we're getting rid of the bottlecaps just because we want to deprive you of joy."
So the parents sold the bottlecaps to a pair of crooked scrap metal salespeople and Johnny got a cheque for a little over $200. He decided that he was going to take Stephanie and his best friend, Donald, to the mall so they could spend the money on junk. I remember them getting a sundae in a dish that was shaped like a bathtub and that Stephanie ordered a glass of prune juice, which meant her kiss with Johnny probably didn't last very long.
On the subject of bottlecaps themselves, may I say that they are pleasant things because they are indicators that a beverage has been enjoyed from a glass bottle. Anyone who knows anything will tell you that a glass bottle is the best way to drink pop. Plastic is awful stuff.
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