April 30: A Virgin Mary Statue, a disgusting sandwich, a conversation with a clown
Kathy and I were in Winnipeg
in 1997 to act in a play at the Winnipeg Fringe Festival. We passed a
thrift store and Kathy saw a Virgin Mary statue inside. She had to go in
and look at it. I don't think she was a devout Catholic but she'd grown
up in the church and had developed a love for its imagery.
-
At the festival, I was billeted with three vegetarians - one of them was a tall skinny dude with dozens of body piercings. The other two were lesbians. One day they were eating vegetable casserole sandwiches around the kitchen table. The casserole had been uncovered in the fridge for a week, so it was all crusty. It looked slimy, filled with chunks of rotting things. The tall skinny dude asked me if I wanted one and I said no.
Maybe this is my Alberta showing, but I think sandwiches should have meat in them. Vegetables should be served raw and always on the side.
-
I was hungry but I didn't want a vegetable casserole sandwich, so I walked back to the thrift store and bought the Virgin Mary statue. Then I went for lunch at the nearest restaurant, which was McDonalds. I ordered Chicken McNuggets and a large fries and a Coke. There was a group of kids in the restaurant and they were having a birthday party. The kids were watching a magic show and the magician was Ronald McDonald.
I watched Ronald's show. He made a white shoelace turn into a red shoelace. He made a ball appear in an empty bag. Then he encouraged everyone to eat McDonalds gross food.
"Cool show," I said to Ronald as he walked by.
"Thanks," he said. "You do magic too?"
"A little," I said.
Ronald looked at the Virgin Mary statue.
"You Catholic?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said. "You?"
"No. I worship Grimace, also known as Buddha."
"That's scary," I said.
"No," Ronald said. "This is scary."
Then he pulled out a pair of hedge clippers and cut his head off. Blood shot out of his stump like a cannon. The kids started to scream as Ronald McDonald's blood poured down on them.
I ate my fries and looked at the Mary statue, which now looked like it was weeping blood.
"This never happens at Burger King," I said.
And Mary agreed.
-
At the festival, I was billeted with three vegetarians - one of them was a tall skinny dude with dozens of body piercings. The other two were lesbians. One day they were eating vegetable casserole sandwiches around the kitchen table. The casserole had been uncovered in the fridge for a week, so it was all crusty. It looked slimy, filled with chunks of rotting things. The tall skinny dude asked me if I wanted one and I said no.
Maybe this is my Alberta showing, but I think sandwiches should have meat in them. Vegetables should be served raw and always on the side.
-
I was hungry but I didn't want a vegetable casserole sandwich, so I walked back to the thrift store and bought the Virgin Mary statue. Then I went for lunch at the nearest restaurant, which was McDonalds. I ordered Chicken McNuggets and a large fries and a Coke. There was a group of kids in the restaurant and they were having a birthday party. The kids were watching a magic show and the magician was Ronald McDonald.
I watched Ronald's show. He made a white shoelace turn into a red shoelace. He made a ball appear in an empty bag. Then he encouraged everyone to eat McDonalds gross food.
"Cool show," I said to Ronald as he walked by.
"Thanks," he said. "You do magic too?"
"A little," I said.
Ronald looked at the Virgin Mary statue.
"You Catholic?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said. "You?"
"No. I worship Grimace, also known as Buddha."
"That's scary," I said.
"No," Ronald said. "This is scary."
Then he pulled out a pair of hedge clippers and cut his head off. Blood shot out of his stump like a cannon. The kids started to scream as Ronald McDonald's blood poured down on them.
I ate my fries and looked at the Mary statue, which now looked like it was weeping blood.
"This never happens at Burger King," I said.
And Mary agreed.
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