May 3: Kitchen fails
I've been a bachelor all my
life. I never went to culinary school and I hardly mastered the fine art
of cooking when I was living at home. As such, I've made a few blunders
in the kitchen over the past four decades. One of them stands out and I
will share that story now.
I was working at a newspaper in Brighton, Ontario when I came across a cookbook called Easy to Make Pasta Dishes. So I bought it. I was delighted to find a recipe called Garlic and Oil Linguini which looked quite easy to make. All I needed was some linguini, some water, some olive oil, a few spices, and three cloves of garlic. All were available at the grocery store. I bought them, went home, and made my meal. I ate it and it was yummy.
The next day I go into the office. Immediately, Christine the receptionist says: "You ate garlic last night, didn't you?"
I reply that I did and should I go home and brush my teeth? No, she says. But you do smell of it.
Christine isn't the only one to notice. Throughout the morning my editor, fellow reporter, advertising manager and publisher will deduce that I had eaten garlic the night before. One of them even recommends I don't eat it again.
Lunchtime comes and Christine can't take it anymore. She asks if I'll bring her the cookbook after lunch and I say sure.
I do it. Christine is scanning the recipe, trying to find what I did wrong.
"This isn't too bad," she says. "I've had recipes like this and it's not nearly as strong as what you must have had last night."
I look at the picture in the cookbook, which shows what the garlic and oil linguini should look like. I mention that my linguini had a lot more garlic chunks in it. A LOT MORE.
And then Christine clues in.
"You know that a clove of garlic and a bulb or garlic are two different things, right?"
"No."
"Well, Steven, a bulb of garlic usually has eight cloves in it. Think of a bulb like an orange and the cloves as orange wedges. Did you put three cloves of garlic in your dish?"
"No. I put three whole bulbs."
Christine makes a face that I will probably never see on another human being ever again.
I stank pretty bad for the rest of the day.
I was working at a newspaper in Brighton, Ontario when I came across a cookbook called Easy to Make Pasta Dishes. So I bought it. I was delighted to find a recipe called Garlic and Oil Linguini which looked quite easy to make. All I needed was some linguini, some water, some olive oil, a few spices, and three cloves of garlic. All were available at the grocery store. I bought them, went home, and made my meal. I ate it and it was yummy.
The next day I go into the office. Immediately, Christine the receptionist says: "You ate garlic last night, didn't you?"
I reply that I did and should I go home and brush my teeth? No, she says. But you do smell of it.
Christine isn't the only one to notice. Throughout the morning my editor, fellow reporter, advertising manager and publisher will deduce that I had eaten garlic the night before. One of them even recommends I don't eat it again.
Lunchtime comes and Christine can't take it anymore. She asks if I'll bring her the cookbook after lunch and I say sure.
I do it. Christine is scanning the recipe, trying to find what I did wrong.
"This isn't too bad," she says. "I've had recipes like this and it's not nearly as strong as what you must have had last night."
I look at the picture in the cookbook, which shows what the garlic and oil linguini should look like. I mention that my linguini had a lot more garlic chunks in it. A LOT MORE.
And then Christine clues in.
"You know that a clove of garlic and a bulb or garlic are two different things, right?"
"No."
"Well, Steven, a bulb of garlic usually has eight cloves in it. Think of a bulb like an orange and the cloves as orange wedges. Did you put three cloves of garlic in your dish?"
"No. I put three whole bulbs."
Christine makes a face that I will probably never see on another human being ever again.
I stank pretty bad for the rest of the day.
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