Dec. 7: The origin of Jingle Bells

 Snorting lines of snow

with my basset hound, José

Through Spokane we go

oozing all the way

Dwarves with static cling

causing urban blight.

What fun it is when geese perform

at supper clubs tonight,

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

oh what fun to clone George Bush with the ghost of Henry Clay

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

oh what fun to change your sex anytime but Christmas Day.

-

The above Jingle Bells parody was made by me with the help of Frank Jacobs, who wrote a do-it-yourself sort of Jingle Bells parody maker in Mad Magazine sometime in the 1980s. I was a big fan of Mad Magazine.

That parody has remained stuck in my mind since I was 10, when I first read that parody in the MAD Magazing Frank Jacobs collection, Mad Zaps the Human Race, which was purchased for me as I recovered in the Foothills Hospital after nearly losing my life to carbon monoxide poisoning.

Years later, my dad and I were driving somewhere in December and the radio was on playing Christmas music. There was an instrumental version of Jingle Bells so, right out of nowhere, I sang my parody to go along with it. My dad, hearing all these weird obscure references all at once, responded with unbridled laughter. Cloning George Bush while Henry Clay's ghost helped. How weird. How dreamlike. I didn't even know who Henry Clay was. Turns out he used to be the US Secretary of State. He died in 1852.

A few Christmases ago, I wandered into our local Shoppers Drug Mart and saw a Mad Magazine Christmas retrospective on the rack. I thumbed through it and was delighted to find the Jingle Bells parody. 

It sucked. They had changed it. The nitwits changed "dwarves with static cling" to "elves with static cling." Not as funny. There's nothing wrong with being a dwarf. They are, I'm sure, as susceptible to static cling as their taller counterparts.

-

Henry Clay was a ghost by the time Jingle Bells was published. James Lord Pierpont, a composer who also happened to be a confederate soldier, published it as The One Horse Open Sleigh in September of 1857.


The song was probably not intended as a Christmas carol and may have been written as a drinking song. And since Pierpont was a confederate soldier, this might mean that he was hunky-dory with slavery. So if you are a liberal woke Christmas-hating person, you now have more ammunition to be annoying during the season of comfort and joy.

-

Sometimes bad things get co-opted for good, and vice-versa. Bach took a drinking song (bad) and turned it into a hymn (good) called O Sacred Head Now Wounded. The opposite is also true. Sometimes good things are co-opted for bad like Elias Lindholm playing for the Calgary Flames (good) and then playing for the Vancouver Canucks (bad.)

-

I prefer sacred Christmas carols like O Holy Night and Do You Hear What I Hear? Jingle bells is not sacred, it is totally secular, so I am not surprised to hear that it the most commonly sung Christmas carol of all time. The melody is simple and well within the range of most people. The words are simple and easy to remember. And you can shake jingle bells while you sing it too. No wonder it's such a staple of elementary school Christmas concerts.

By the way, school Christmas concerts are not all that in vogue anymore. That's because they are cruel to older students. Most of the time, the little kids perform first. Then, as soon as they are done, mommy and daddy whisk them out of the school and take them home. By the time the Grade 6 kids take to the stage, they are playing to a largely empty auditorium,

This reminds me of something that happened to me when I was a teenager and I decided to do magic tricks at a small town talent show where our family was on vacation. There were 20 berths available and I grabbed one of them. Sixteen of the berths were grabbed by a piano teacher who wanted to use the talent show as a venue for her students' recital.

The piano students played first and as the afternoon progressed, the hall grew emptier. When it was my turn, I was performing for the judges alone. I had no energy. I fumbled through my performance and left. I am still mad at that piano teacher.

-

Tonight, as it turns out, the town where I live is holding its Santa Claus Parade. In about half an hour, Santa Claus and a whole bunch of illuminated floats will wind their way down Main Street. There is always music. I am sure I will hear at least three school choirs sing Jingle Bells tonight.

Jingle all the way. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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