Dec. 23: Addiction

Both of my best friends dealt with addiction. They are dead now. One died despite his addiction; the other may have died because of it.

"You should get down on your knees every day and thank God that you don't have an addictive personality," one of them said to me.

I don't thank God every day - mea culpa - but I understood the sentiment. He was saying that for some people, it's easier to fall into addiction than most.

I myself have experimented with nicotine. I have been drunk a handful of times; I am ashamed of this. But have I ever been addicted? Not a chance.

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From the National Institute on Drug Abuse:

Many people don't understand why or how other people become addicted to drugs. They may mistakenly think that those who use drugs lack moral principles or willpower and that they could stop their drug use simply by choosing to. In reality, drug addiction is a complex disease, and quitting usually takes more than good intentions or a strong will. Drugs change the brain in ways that make quitting hard, even for those who want to. Fortunately, researchers know more than ever about how drugs affect the brain and have found treatments that can help people recover from drug addiction and lead productive lives. 

Addiction is a chronic disease characterized by drug seeking and use that is compulsive, or difficult to control, despite harmful consequences. The initial decision to take drugs is voluntary for most people, but repeated drug use can lead to brain changes that challenge an addicted person’s self-control and interfere with their ability to resist intense urges to take drugs. These brain changes can be persistent, which is why drug addiction is considered a "relapsing" disease—people in recovery from drug use disorders are at increased risk for returning to drug use even after years of not taking the drug.

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The American novelist Kurt Vonnegut Jr considered Alcoholics Anonymous to be the best religion in the world. 

"Alcoholics Anonymous gives you an extended family that’s very close to a blood brotherhood, because everybody has endured the same catastrophe," Vonnegut told Playboy magazine in 1973. "And one of the enchanting aspects of Alcoholics Anonymous is that many people join who aren’t drunks, who pretend to be drunks because the social and spiritual benefits are so large. But they talk about real troubles, which aren’t spoken about in church, as a rule. The halfway houses for people out of prisons, or for people recovering from drug habits, have the same problems: people hanging around who just want the companionship, the brotherhood or the sisterhood, who want the extended family."

Vonnegut also said about heroin. I am too lazy to track down the exact quote, but he said there is something called the existential hum, which is something all human beings have to live with after they hit 13 or so. Basically, it is this omnipresent buzzing in your ear reminding you that your life is rife with problems - both short-term and long-term - and that you will never be completely happy and that major catastrophes could be right around the corner.

"I understood immediately the seductiveness of that drug," he said, adding that heroin made the existential hum go away.

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Immediately after graduating from high school, I went away to a small town that had a Bible college/theatre guild school. I studied acting there for one year. The existential hum was heavy with me. It told me that I was wasting my life, that I would not become a global superstar in that small town, that my graduating classmates were, even now, partying it up at frat houses. 

There were no frat houses there. There was chapel. And prayer. And peeling potatoes and washing dishes.

I was addicted to nothing. There was a girl there who confessed that she had addiction issues - tobacco, mostly, but there was the potential for other things as well. I think I teased her about this. I should not have done that. I am sorry.

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Gene Simmons of the American rock group KISS has famously never taken alcohol, nicotine, or recreational narcotics.* Because of this, he was considered a bit of a pariah in the rock world where everyone was doing copious amounts of drugs. Gene said when you smoke, you stink like an ash tray and when you're high, you sound like an alien. "I've never seen anyone do anything cool or say anything smart or witty while drunk or stoned," he said once, and I vote with him.

 

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I don't have the patience to deal with addicts. I think I could be an addict's friend but I no longer think I could be their best friend.

Someone I am close to recently made the decision to shut someone out of her life. This person is an addict and has been an addict for at least a decade. She has no desire to change and, when she is under the influence of her favourite drug, she is capable of hurling the most hateful invective imaginable. So they were cut off. It was a good move. The person who I am close to needs to look after her mental health.

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As I write this, an empty bottle of Dr. Pepper rests beside my computer. I drank it a couple nights ago. Am I a hypocrite?

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“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

So says the New Testament book of Ephesians. 

Maybe the Apostle has a point there.

I don't have an addictive personality but I'm not perfect. I have my own struggles. But when Christian radio is on and I surround myself with holy things, I sometimes feel that perfection is a bit more attainable. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* He accidentally ate some pot brownies in the 1970s. I believe him.