Dec. 11: Perspective of an animal being picked up from a pet store

 So this is based on a true story. It is the story of the cat of Ash. The cat's name is Ollie. Here is a picture of Ollie. 


 The cat was a kitten then. The cat is no longer a kitten. His personality cannot be described here, but it rhymes with gashole. The cat likes to attack me when I am going down the stairs. I do not like the cat. Ash loves the cat. Everything kitty does is adorable. KITTY!!!!

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So a long time ago, when gashole kitty Ollie was a baby kitty who was not yet a gashole, Ash was in a pet store with her best friend, Jenn, who has tattoos and a motorcycle. Here is the way Ash would tell what happened next:

"So Jenn and I were walking past the cats and that's when we saw Ollie and there was something about Ollie that was so adorable so I picked up the cat and immediately the cat latched on to me and I knew Ollie was destined to be my cat."

Here is what the cat was really thinking:

"I was sitting in my box thinking about how wonderful I am and how I am the most important creature that ever lived. Nothing is better than me. I'm a cat. I'm a CAT!!!! Anyway, this person named Ash picked me up and I thought that this is a good person to spend all kinds of money and attention on me and basically cater to my every need. I can't wait to get really sick so they'll have to spend all kind of money at the vet and also to wreck all their furniture and especially Steve's magic props. I can't wait to get cat hair on everything and aggravate Steve's allergies because I am a cat!!!! I eat 500 pounds of cat food everyday. I'M A CAT!!!!! I'M A CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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Here are things Ollie does that irritates me:

- Runs around the house at three in the morning

- Follow me around and whenever I stop, lie on his back right beside me. (He's hoping I will trip on him and die.)

- Attack me when I am going down the stairs.

- Run under the bed when I am trying to sleep. Will only scat when I shoo him out with a broom.

 - Exist.

Here are things Ollie does that I like:

- Nothing.

I will be called a butthead for writing this note. 

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