Dec. 28: Top hats

 Despite living most of my life in magic, I have yet to see a magician perform in a top hat.

That makes me sad since one of the most enduring symbols of my trade is the rabbit popping out of a top hat. I have NEVER seen a magician do that trick. I have seen them make rabbits appear in cages and in handkerchiefs but never in hats, top hat or otherwise. I have seen magicians pull cakes and ribbons and balloons out of hats, but never rabbits.

It makes me think maybe I should get a top hat and wear it as part of my act. Branding, ya know.

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Here are reasons I would NOT want to wear a top hat as part of my act:

- It would probably leave one of those ugly pink lines on my forehead.

- Would be uncomfortable on hot summer days.

- I would probably lose it.

- Difficult to store.

- Might look silly.

- Would probably clash with the rest of my wardrobe.

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On the other hand, a top hat would also be unique. My own unofficial mascot, Mr. Impossible, wears a top hat. Of course, I'm not a purple blob with arms for ears who walks around naked, so maybe I shouldn't be looking to him for wardrobe advice.

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Since I started writing this note, I have done some marketplace searches on top hats. It looks like I could get a pretty good one for $100 and a pretty shabby one for $10. Also, a lot of the top hats available are of steampunk design, which makes me a liar because I now realize that my good friend and fellow magician, Lawrence Larouche, regularly performs in a steampunk top hat. I refuse to copy him. If I ever wear a top hat onstage, it will not be steampunk. Maybe it will be navy blue, like the one Mr. Impossible wears, or maybe it will be yellow with smiley faces.

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Perhaps history's most famous top hat wearer was Abraham Lincoln, who looked like this:

I don't know what Abraham Lincoln is doing in that picture. He might be watching the Ice Capades or admonishing his comrades for touching their nipples. Either way, I hope if he slept in that tent the previous night that he had a comfortable pair of jammies.

Here is what the Smithsonian Institute has to say about Abraham Lincoln's hat:

At six feet four inches tall, Lincoln towered over most of his contemporaries. He chose to stand out even more by wearing high top hats. He acquired this hat from J. Y. Davis, a Washington hat maker. Lincoln had the black silk mourning band added in remembrance of his son Willie. No one knows when he obtained the hat, or how often he wore it. The last time he put it on was to go to Ford’s Theatre on April 14, 1865.

Today, the hat is one of the most beloved objects in the Smithsonian Institute. Apparently, people flock from all over the place to see a bunch of fabric that was once worn on the head of a president who got shot to death in a theatre. This makes me want to get a top hat for myself, not because I want to get shot to death in a theatre but because I want people to come see me. I'm not as tall as President Lincoln was but I'm much prettier and my top hat would be on the head of someone doing card tricks, it wouldn't just be sitting in a glass box that's being protected by scowling security guards.

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This is a good time to mention that President Lincoln's top hat was called a stove top hat, which is taller than traditional top hats. Mr. Lincoln probably knocked his hat off a lot while walking through doorways. I wonder if the president bent over himself to retrieve his hat or if he a presidential aide followed him around to do things like that. Also, I wonder if he ever got bits of Irish stew caught in his beard. 

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Back in the mid 1800s, pretty much every gentleman had a top hat. They were like iPhones today except you couldn't use your hat to check your Twitter or to see if anyone liked the picture you just put up of you eating pizza.

I have to say that I wouldn't mind if top hats made a comeback. It would be pretty awesome to go to a restaurant or the stadium or the Candyland World Championships and see a bunch of dudes sitting around in top hats. Maybe I shouldn't be sexist. Women could wear them too.  

Oh yeah, women can wear them too.