Sept. 13: Deliberately misspelled signs

This is my sister's pet peeve, folks - deliberately misspelled signs. She's of the opinion that there should not be drive-thrus only drive-throughs. On this, I vote with her, though I am not such a stickler for this as she is.

But hey... I notice lots of deliberately misspelled signs everywhere. For example, I saw a poster for an upcoming movie called "Over-commercialized cash grab for a mediocre product that has long been irrelevant." Only they spelled it GARFIELD.

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Look, I'm a professional wordsmith. I make (or made) a living crafting prose and/or shaping the prose of other people. I'm a proud grammar snob. I know the difference between can and will. If you ask me if I can get you a glass of water, I will say "yes" and I will not get you a glass of water. That's because you didn't ask me to get you one.

And don't get me started on the improper use of it's.

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More grievous to my baby sis must be Toys R Us, owned by the American licensing company Tru Kids, Inc., (a name that would also piss her off.) Toys R Us isn't spelled right and it's not grammatically correct either. If Tru Kids wants to appease the grammar snobs of the world, it should change the name of its market-killing store to We Are Toys. No mistakes in it but that name just isn't - you know - boss.

But hey, massive American conglomerates aren't responsible for teaching kids how to spell and arrange their words. That's the responsibility of the education system and Sesame Street. In 1992, when Michael Jackson came out with his song, Jam, he was criticized for his liberal use of the word "ain't." Apparently, the powers that be thought he was teaching kids to be lax with their syntax, that the influence of Michael Jackson would cause a global plunge into ebonics.

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And now it's time to talk about Kars 4 Kids, a charity that encourages you to donate old cars (or unneeded real estate) so that underprivileged kids can live better lives. 

Not only did they spell cars with a K, they also took a page from the Prince play book and used the number 4 for for. My poor baby sis' brain is exploding because she wants to be annoyed with Kars 4 Kids, but she can't be because they do so much good for the world.

So the moral of the story is that if you want to deliberately misspell words, you'd better be a philanthropist.



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