Dec. 7: Welcome to Petawawa

 So I roll into the barracks in Petawawa, where I did a magic show this morning. I didn't have a title for note-a-day, so I decided to let the first thing someone said to me once I entered the barracks be my title.

So... welcome to Petawawa.

It was my first time in Petawawa and while there, I would learn that Petawawa is an Algonquin word that loosely translates to "somewhere where you can hear the water." That means if someone is having a shower in the next room and you can hear it, you're in Petawawa.

-

I thank the Lord that I was in Petawawa that day. I lost two magic shows this fall, one in October and one in November (the November show literally cancelled the day before, which reinforced my New Year's Resolution to ALWAYS get deposits when I book a show) so my time in Petawawa helped me break even. It also effectively ended my New Year's Resolution for 2024, which was to get at least one paying magic show for every month of the year.

-

They hired me to do strolling magic at the army base magic show, which was open to the families of the soldiers and other members of the community (I think.) I didn't do much strolling; I had a table in the main hall and I had a steady flow of people who wanted to see magic. I did the sponge bunny trick a lot* but I think the trick I did the most today was my shell game routine. I have fallen in love with the shell game and it is probably my favourite closeup routine.

-

I arrived in Petawawa around one o'clock in the morning. I drove up to the army base, hoping to find a motel, and a military policeman stopped me.

"We're doing a RIDE check," the MP said. "How much have you had to drink tonight?"

"Not a drop," I said.

"When was the last time you had a drink?"

"Not since my son was born 11 years ago," I said. "I'm a teetotaller."

"Good man," said the MP, who was young enough to be my son.

-

I passed a whole bunch of motels that were closed like Chick Fil A on Sunday. There was a Quality Inn that would charge me one quarter of what I was making at the show to let me sleep in a bed for four hours. So I went to Kelsey's apartment in nearby Pembroke. I dreaded this for a couple reasons: 1. I would have to park on the street and was unsure of Pembroke's crime rates. 2. Kelsey has three cats and I am moderately allergic.

By that time, it was two in the morning and I figured that car thieves weren't going to be wandering around Pembroke at 2 a.m. looking for something to steal. Still, I parked the car and, as I let myself into the apartment, I entertained myself with my sick fantasy on how to deal with car thieves, which consists mostly of emasculating them on live television.

-

Kelsey wasn't there but one of her cats was on her bed. I shooed the cat away. Then, after making sure all three cats were out of the room, I fell into bed and tried to sleep. The bed was filled with cat dander, which made falling asleep mildly problematic. Five hours later, my alarm clock jostled me awake and I stumbled out of the apartment. Fifteen minutes later, I learned that the Pembroke Tim Hortons does not carry any maple-flavoured items.

"But you're Canadian," I protested.

"I know," laughed the anonymous girl with the headset."Seems kind of silly, doesn't it?"

So I drove to Petawawa with a chocolate donut, orange juice, and a medium dark roast with two milks and, I hope, I made a whole bunch of people really happy at that army base Christmas party.

And that is my report on Petawawa.



 

 

*Sorry, Paul Alberstat

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sept. 13: You don't know what you gave up

Image
 Dear Mr. Man You know, I don't hate you. If I saw you on the street, I wouldn't yell at you or cuss you out, but I don't think I'd shake your hand. But I do pity you, man. You don't know what you gave up. She's going to be a funeral director, did you know that? Yeah, she's going to be a mover and shaker, hitting the big time. She'll have a good job and she'll never be out of work because she's in an industry that will never die (you should pardon the pun.)  Sure, she had her challenges growing up, but what girl doesn't. Things made her cry. Sometimes, I'm sad to say, I was one of those things. But all I can say is the good times outweigh the bad. I hope she agrees with that. You see, Mr. Man, I have a whole lot of great memories with her. This one time, I tried to take her down to Cleveland so we could see a Major League Baseball game live. But we couldn't get into the States so instead, we went to Niagara Falls and we had a grand ol...
Read more

Dec. 1: What if...

Image
About 10 years ago, my friend, Natalie, and I were discussing our respective journalism careers. Hers started in 1998 in a small town in southeast Saskatchewan. Mine started in Regina in 1999 after I moved there with her. She got a job at a weekly paper there and she introduced me to her editor, who hired me. "I owe my career to you," I told Natalie. This did not impress her. She said that her role in my career trajectory was an infinitesimal one, that I should give myself some credit for my own success. - Still, if I didn't meet Natalie, I might not be where I am right now. When I moved to Regina, I had no ambitions toward a journalism career; all I wanted to do was write a novel. Natalie told me about the job at the paper and encouraged me to go in and meet the staff and see what happened. I wound up surprising myself, I was a pretty good - if not raw - reporter and that job in Regina led to further opportunities in Saskatchewan, Quebec, Alberta, and Ontario, where I re...
Read more

Sept. 12: Mommy don't

Image
My son has picked up the awful habit of banishing his mother from his bedroom when it's time to go to sleep. He will allow us both in to change him into his pajamas and the nightly prayers, but after that he wants some alone time with me. His mom says it doesn't hurt her feelings, but I kind of think it does. - She should not be offended. My son merely picked up my genes. When I was a kid, I didn't want both my parents in my bedroom at the same time. They had to say goodnight to be individually. I guess kiddo and I both have a little OCD. - As luck would have it, Ash and I just finished watching a movie called TRAP. The premise of it is that a serial killer and his daughter are attending a pop concert. The police know he's there so they set up a trap, ensuring that every male adult is interviewed by police before they're dismissed. In the end, we discover that the man's wife suspected him and so she tipped the police about it.  Mom of the year, I tell you. ...
Read more