Rotating Pineapple

 So here we are at a place called Pine Ridge Park, about half an hour away from where Kel lives in Pembroke. Somehow, we managed to snag reservations for something called the Laurentian cabin, which is a four-bedroom cottage on the shore of the Ottawa River. We got an off-season rate and, since there are six grownups here, we all chipped in and rented the place for a song. I'm here, Ash is here, Kel is here, Tara is here, as is her son, Nick, and Kel's boyfriend, Curtis. And the B-Man is here and Curtis' two kids are here. It's a merry stay. The temperature hovers around 20, but it gets colder at night. Curtis and Nick made a fire outside. I sat by it and ate one marshmallow. When I was called inside, I was grateful. We went swimming in the river. It was cold at first, as it always is, but got warmer. There were a whole lot of rocks on the way in and no one cared for that very much. I was the first one in - I went into the water in my blue bathing suit that I bought at

 I will start this note by making a list of all the concerts I have attended: - Amanda Marshall (x3) - Weird Al Yankovic (x3) - Alice Cooper - Aerosmith - Prince (x2) - Don Henley/Susanna Hoffs - Van Halen (with DLR) - Roxette - John Mellencamp - Huey Lewis and the News - Trisha Yearwood - Sass Jordan - Lee Aaron - Kim Mitchell/Allannah Myles - Raffi - Of them all, Raffi was the worst. He came onstage about two hours late, was obviously high on opium and Cheez Whiz, and then yelled at a bunch of kids in the front row for wearing Sharon Lois and Bram shirts. Raffi refused to play any music, set fire to the stage, and then wiped his nose on his tuba player's eyebrows.* - Seriously, I hate to say it but Sass Jordan and John Mellencamp were both pretty bad, but I don't fault either of them for it. I had gone in with high expectations, hoping to see a show as hopping as they were in their respective heydays, which were the 80s and 90s.  I saw Mr. Mellencamp's concert in Ottawa w

 The title comes from someone at the table where I am sitting as I cover an awards ceremony. I don’t think I have been on a horse in more than 25 years. I have never been on a wild horse. I have some people attempt it. Rodeo. In Stettler, a cowboy got his hand caught in the harness. The horse wound up dragging him all over the ring, the cowboy screaming the whole time. I got a picture. When he got free, the cowboy lay in the dirt face down, clutching his injured hand. The photographers went crazy. One of the other cowboys told them to cool it. I can’t find that picture online. The cowboy is probably grateful. - I don’t care what PETA says, rodeos are fun to photograph. Even if you’re a beginner photog, you can get a shot. That’s all folks. Duty calls 

There is the story of the young piano student who goes to the concert hall to see a world famous maestro perform. For an hour, this master musician tickles the ivory, navigating his way through a virtuoso selection of Mozart, Beethoven, and Bach. When the concert is over, he has the following brief exchange with the young student: Student: Maestro, I would give my very life to play the way you do. Maestro: I already have. - I am a magician but by no means am I a master magician. I won't use that adjective to modify my (sometimes) occupation. To do so would be an insult to the true masters. I am friends with dozens of magicians on Facebook, some of whom I would consider to be masters of their craft. One of them is one of the best card mechanics in the world. Seriously, this dude can do anything with a deck of cards. I have seen him take a shuffled deck, spread it out on the table, spin a poker chip and make it land on the Ace of Spades. He can bottom deal and centre deal flawlessly,

Today, I brought $100 to my son's school. This money was for the chocolate bars that we sold on behalf of the school. I imagine the money will go to field trips or presentations or end-of-year celebrations. The chocolate bars were three for $5. They were made by World's Finest Chocolate. They were all purchased by friends of the family. I did not buy any. I don't like World's Finest Chocolate. I don't think the name is accurate. Maybe if they called themselves World's Twentieth Best Chocolate, I would agree with them. - I am a little ashamed to admit that I am a chocolate bar junkie. In case anyone is interested, here are my favourite chocolate bars, ranked in order of preference: 1. Snickers 2. Big Turk 3. Eat More (technically not a chocolate bar, but who cares?) 4. Reese Peanut Butter Cups (but I liked them better when they had the crunchy peanut butter or the honey peanut butter) 5. Wunderbar. Obviously, I am not allergic to peanuts. - Did you know that the

In David Fincher's 1997 movie, The Game, billionaire Nicholas Van Orton sees his life unravel shortly after his 48th birthday. This is entirely because his estranged brother, Conrad, persuades him to visit a corporation that specializes in creating life-changing experiences, or games, for their clients. Van Orton visits the office, goes through a number of tests, fills out a lengthy questionnaire, and is then informed that he has been rejected, But he hasn't been rejected. He finds a clown doll with a key in its mouth. The anchor on the evening news begins talking to him via the television set. He gets trapped in an elevator, thrown into the ocean in the back of a taxicab, has his mansion vandalized, and is left for dead in Mexico. Watching the film, the intelligent viewer has to ask a number of questions. How does Mr. Van Orton (played my Michael Douglas) know that the key he found in the clown's mouth will get the elevator to work again? How does he know that the crank he